Review: Jock Auction by Alex Pendragon

Sexy high-school footballer Kyle has two big blind-spots: first, he assumes he’s straight, and second, he doesn’t know quite how much his shy, geeky classmate Craig lusts after him. When the two are thrown together after a charity slave auction, however, how incredible the sex is turns out to be hard to miss. Problem is, Kyle’s awakened sexuality is on a collision course with his hot teammates, and not everyone in his conservative Midwestern town is quite so open-minded.

When Kyle unexpectedly gets up close and personal with another closeted jock, and realizes in the process that there’s more than just teenage hormones between himself and Craig, he’s faced with a choice: walk away, or fight for what until now he didn’t know he wanted. Meanwhile, Craig is learning that there’s more to his appetite for athletic guys than playing the meek submissive, and Kyle’s mea-culpa arrives right on time for him to explore some of the kinks he never knew he had.

Hard bodies meet even harder truths as two very different guys discover that, while you can buy someone’s time, you still have to win their heart.

Longest one-handed read ever!

Seriously. This has got to be some sort of record! I've read my fair share of porn and erotica that borders on porn and I've come up with a set of guidelines, if you will, that I affectionately refer to as the Porn Club rules. 

First rule of Porn Club:  It needs to be hot. The hotter the better. Think bushel of habañeros and work down from there.
Second rule of Porn Club:  Brevity is the order of the day.
Third rule of Porn Club:  Go long only if you've got a semblance of a story OR awesome characters.
Fourth rule of Porn Club:  Go for OTT & imitate The Tingle. Not really a rule per se, just sound advice.

Only the first rule of Porn Club was followed here. The sex is stupid hot and varied. These two knuckleheads plow the hell out of each other every which way to Sunday. They get a little kinky. They have a penchant for that we might get caught and that makes it hotter sex even at school in the Nurse's office. In case you're wondering, they do get caught a couple of times and take it in stride. What they lack is connection, intimacy.

Unfortunately, there's only so much cock talk I can take and 260+ pgs of cock talk was overkill. I've never been so bored with two horny teens. Both Kyle and Craig are about as interesting as paste which lessened my interest further. I can forgive them the instalove. I remember being 18 and one date meant you were in love. I get it. What I can't forgive is this snoozefest of a story. 

Jock Auction is a slice of life tale that goes on and on and on. Besides the sex nothing happens. It's all told through Kyle, the jock. Kyle is "straight" until he gets bought by Craig at a charity auction. The events that ensue and bring these two numbnuts together are too asinine to even go into. Suffice to say, he's not that straight afterwards and proceeds to dive head first into the mosh pit of Cockapalooza . This stretched the limits of my reality suspension, something that's not my strong suit even under ideal circumstances. He's checking out teammates in the showers, gets handsy with one of them even, gets fucked by him and his monster cock which makes him realize his feelz for Craig. An epiphany inducing monster cock! What a novelty! Despite their "devotion" he's still cockadoodle. Always checking out other dudes' cocks, has a permaboner that's oozy often, most frequently on the carpet. Ewww. Seriously, dude. No one wants that in their carpet. I get that he's a horny teen but would it be too much for them to have a honeymoon period where they only have eyes for one another?

Neither of these MCs are fleshed out. I don't know a thing about either of them aside from the obvious. They say the love each other. I don't see it. Kyle thinks in $10 words yet his action are more akin to Bill or Ted with virtually every sentence containing the word "dude". They never have "the talk" and bareback, and in Kyle's case, with more than one person which is beyond stupid in contemporary society. In a nutshell, I never invested in them as a couple. If these two make it to summer break it'll surprise the hell out of me.

So, the sex was a hot, if tedious, 4 hearts with a 1 heart story and a heart deduction for violating the Porn Club rules.

Recommend to fans of straight to gay, jock/geek fantasy wish fulfillment stories with the proviso that you skim all the talking bits.

A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.

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