Review: Be My Valentine, Sir by Elizabeth Coldwell

Jason has planned a perfect night in — good food, fine wine, a sensual shared bath and a naughty BDSM scene. But when his master, Adrian, goes into the office instead, Jason won’t be taken for granted any longer. Discovering a dominant side he never knew he possessed, he’s about to give Adrian a Valentine’s treat he’ll never forget.

My penchant for meaningful kink is the worst kept secret on the interwebs. I'm always looking for authors that will blow my doors off, so chances are if there's a BDSM tag that's usually enough of an enticement which is what brought me to this series. What I'm looking for is substance but in the absence of that I'll take OTT, possibly hella fucked up, great characterizations, snappy dialogue OR smutterrific PWP. So many chances to impress me.

Unfortunately... none of that was on offer here.

What was on offer was a whole lotta lead up to a whole lotta fizzle. Odd fizzle that didn't jizzle or sizzle for that matter.  Too much time was wasted on minute details that didn't contribute to the plot or infuse depth to the characters.

It would probably be best to read the predecessor (Happy Christmas, Sir) prior to reading this to get a sense of these characters and because those events are referenced here. But in a nutshell, Adrian and Jason are in a committed D/s relationship. Jason had more experience with kink when they got together and, evidently, Adrian has expressed some desire to put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak. 

I actually do think this is a good idea. If you're going to dole out a beating then it's not a bad idea to know what it feels like. What I don't see happening is having your sub do it. That doesn't work for me. Don't muck with the power dynamics. The whole story started to go sideways from then on for me.

Jason has big plans for Valentine's Day that Adrian's ruined by working! That bastard. Yes, the word brat came to mind which was another step in the wrong direction for me. So he mounts his Schwinn armed with Adrian's Valentine's Day "present" and peddles for his office. SPOILER ALERT: the punishment is a spanking. Six whole swats with a paddle. After four Adrian is "writhing, gasping and sobbing" with a rock hard cock, of course. *throws shade*

"Ride the pain," Jason urged him. "Go with it, and it'll turn to pleasure, I promise. That's what makes everything worth it." He caressed Adrian's buttock, savoring the heat given off by the tender flesh. Then he moved his hand lower, wrapping it around Adrian's cock. "Do you feel it?"

*throws ALL THE shade*

Here's the thing IF you're going to role reverse wouldn't you be nervous as a sub punishing your Master and all? And wouldn't the master still pretty much be in charge rather than flipping a switch and becoming "uncharacteristically meek" and falling apart after six swats? To be fair (in a sense) these characters are flat, so I really couldn't say what's right for them one way or another but... something in the milk ain't clean is all I'm saying.

After the spanking they make the seeeeex but I had tapped out by that point and no amount of finesse is going to make the word "channel" sexy. One anemic sex scene does not a stroke fic make, so...not the first time I've struck out with a sexy cover and enticing tags and probably won't be the last.

It is cutesy in a superficial way and if that's your jam, this is a book you'll enjoy.

A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.

Find out more on Goodreads & Ninestar Press.

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