CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME REVIEW: Thick as Thieves by Tali Spencer

After Vorgell the barbarian fucks himself with a unicorn horn, he ends up in a cell with Maddog, a pretty young thief. It’s lust at first sight for Vorgell—but honestly, he can’t help it. Unicorn horn is a potent aphrodisiac, and now he can’t stop thinking about sex. Luckily, Madd is one male witch who knows how to put Vorgell’s new magical body to good use when he tricks Vorgell into a kiss that helps them escape.

Vorgell may desire sex in general—and Madd in particular—but Madd has no intention of being screwed by a man twice his size. He has problems of his own, including an enchanted collar that causes him to desire his most hated enemy. He wants that collar off as soon as possible, but that requires stealing a basilisk egg from the castle they just escaped.

Drawn together by lust and magic, the two men join forces and soon find themselves up to their necks in witches, wizards, and trouble. Vorgell and Madd might just be perfect for each other, but first they have to survive long enough to find out.

Back in the day when Baby was insisting I read this I read the blurb. Read the blurb. Go on. I'll wait. The dude, and I quote, "fucks himself with a unicorn horn". Now I ask you, wouldn't you automatically think this was going to be PWP? I did. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against PWP. I'm just saying my expectations weren't all that high. Well, I'm happy to be proven wrong in the inaugural CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME. 

Smooches, Baby. 

So this barbarian, Vorgell, accidentally kills a unicorn (the gasp heard round the world), eats a bunch of "berries" that make him so horny he fucks himself with its horn which dissolves thereby making him magical. Literally.

OH, don't you look at me in that tone of voice, JT! I'm serious! 

What was I saying? Oh, right. So Vorgell becomes magical and ends up in a cell at the baron's keep in a drunken unicorn horn induced stupor with Madd, a witchkin. Madd quickly devises a plan of escape by leaching some of the magicalness from Vorgell and the adventure begins as does the collecting of the magic. Ahem.   >________>

I was as surprised as the next person to find an actual plot here amongst the magic jizz. Yap, you read that right. Vorgell's jizz is magical. He jizzed on a wall and it sprouted flowers! That's a city revitalization plan I can get behind. 

Vorgell… *sigh* He had me at the first bellowing of "Battle!". 

He is hands down the most endearing barbarian I've ever run across. Not that I'm a barbarian expert or anything. He's certainly seems atypical. He relishes a good pillaging and certainly knows his way around weapons, but aside from that he's a gentle giant AND a kissing fiend/snuggle monster. A side effect of the horning is that his horned-upedness is unflagging. It's not his fault! It's the POWER OF THE UNICORN.

Unicorn horn created unabated sexual desire in anyone who partook of it-the baron's magicians had explained that too-and he had partaken of enough horn to fuel the lusts of a horde for the rest of his natural life.

Hiding is a good plan, Spock, otherwise… Let's just say at one point the tree knots started looking good. O___O

Vorgell is pretty taken with Madd despite his general grouchiness. Madd seems to dig the barbarian too, but Madd's lugging around some baggage and a healthy fear respect for the "dragon" lurking in Vorgell's loincloth. The baggage slips out in fits and starts and is the basis for Madd's need for control in the bedroom which Vorgell really loves by the way and I REALLY love that about Vorgell. 


Cupcake likes when the big-uns bottom and when they're submissive. Two words:  WIN/WIN. 

HOWEVER, there's really not all that much sexing in Thick as Thieves. It's mostly fantasy adventure with a burgeoning romance between Vorgell and Madd interspersed. They become friends, each other's only friends and form an alliance of brains and braun. Vorgell is loyal and will do anything to protect Madd. Madd is clever, mistrustful yet finds himself increasingly reliant upon the "oaf". The adventure is good old-fashioned fun and involves a great deal of magic, a basilisk egg, a slave collar, some nasty wizards, some thieves and PETAL!!!!!! 

Thankfully, Baby says we can share custody otherwise things could've gotten ugly.

Once again, I thank Baby for recommending. Now I'm all kinds of essssited to read Thick as Ice.



  1. The power of Petal is magical. I want to find her all the goats for her to munch on. :D

    1. Goats? What does Baby have against goats?

    2. They are nice. But Petal must learn she can't eat canines, goats are the next step up for the growing girl.