Review: Rent Me by Brina Brady

Rent Boy Brennen wants to belong to his lover Dmitri Dubrovsky. The Russian mobster controls every inch of his life in and out of bed. Brennen works for Dmitri’s escort service. His only desire is to please his lover. When Dmitri marries Nika, his lover moves him out of their home to an apartment in Beverly Hills and tells him nothing has changed. What is Brennen going to do now?

Warning:  
This is a Gay adult consensual story focused on themes of corporal discipline punishment and explicit sex with some elements of BDSM between adult men over the age of eighteen.

I know. Psychos need love too. The best way I can describe this book really, truly is like a David Lynch film. Normally, I can get in the general vicinity of where a book is going. The only thing I could come up with here was Brennen ending up face down in a gutter with his throat cut, his skinny jeans down around his ankles and ‘Rent Me’ written across his butt cheeks. <---not what happened. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t entertained by this nutbaggery, though.  Kinda like a Lynch film in that is leaves you with a ‘Huh? WTF just happened?’ feeling afterwards.

When I read the blurb I had a Russian version of The Sopranos  in my head. Tony bending Christopher over tables and car hoods would’ve been so fucking hot, but the mafia angle wasn’t the focus. Rent Me is told entirely through Brennen. Brennen is temperamental, vain, insecure… wait, wait. Let me save all that and say it succinctly. He’s a hot mess. THIS SONG:

describes him better than anything I can say. Ever.

Ms. Brady dropped a lot of psychiatric buzz words and she did an excellent job of presenting Brennen as a product of his environment and upbringing. I understand why he is the way he is and as I said, she did an excellent job of putting the reader inside the mind of a mentally ill MC, but that doesn’t mean Rent Me was an entirely pleasant experience. I did chuckle more than once at the antics on display by all involved. Brennen is 21 going on 12 and very exhausting. I still find it ironic that the two Mafiosos are more stable than him. Not by much but still…

Dmitri and Mischa are brothers who are Russian mafia whose empire is based in LA. Brennen was taken in by them after they rescued him from a lunatic named Adrik when he was 12. The dynamic between the three of them is… weird as hell, pseudoincestual. Brennen sees them as family but he fucks Dmitri and wants him to be his Master. Both brothers frequently spank him when he acts out, just flat out smack him across the face or worse. *shakes head* Lynch film. In case you haven’t figured it out Brennen acts out All. The. Time. Particularly if Dmitri has to spend more than 5 minutes away from him with his old lady, Nika, or just 5 minutes period.

I need him to breathe. He is my everything.

Dmitri LURVES Brennen. He has plans for them to be together F.O.R.E.V.E.R. but he’s tight lipped as to how. Obviously, this calls for Brennen to respond by latching onto… well, pretty much anyone who pays attention to him for a minute or so. The next thing you know Brennen decides he’s going to give this whole girl thing a try and picks a kleptomaniac! *refer to gif #1*

I don't feel good about myself unless I have tons of people wanting me for sex.

Oh, man…

*wipes eyes*

 Christ Almighty! This thing really has to be experienced firsthand. Hop on board this crazy train, folks. I haven't even scratched the surface here. The storyline is completely nonsensical. These characters are freak shows. The situations that arise are akin to a bad acid flashback. And somehow all these whackadoodles know each other! Utter and complete weirdness.
 
Kink:  Mafioso + kink = not exactly SSC, maybe RACK, though I'm going with kinky fuckery and that's my final offer. The escort stuff was in the same vein-some of it was sort of hot, most of it was like a Lynch film minus the dancing dwarves. Opportunity wasted there.  

Writing:  Needs improvement. Far too much redundancy and repetition; too much emphasis on the mundane; too many descriptions of things rather than an actual plot. I couldn’t care less that Brennen carries minty toothpaste in his backpack. The dialogue is stiff as a board and much of it felt stilted. The characters all sound exactly the same. There were some continuity errors:  one cannot crawl on one’s hands and knees when one’s hands are cuffed behind one’s back without being a stellar contortionist. However, Ms. Brady did introduce me to the terms ‘boy clit’ and ‘whorebagel’. A heartfelt, Thank You for those gems.

*pets new words*

For those of you out there (and I know you are. Don’t lie) that enjoy reading about dysfunctional, codependent, abusive, possessive, irrationally jealous crazy trains that are bigoted, like to break stuff and screaming is their default conversing voice… WHOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE! You guys just hit ALL the jackpots!

I'm going with 2 Hearts for the Lynchyness entertainment value and Brennen's characterization.

I would like to thank the author for providing me with a review copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.