CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME: Split by Mel Bossa

Quiet and imaginative, Derek O'Reilly spends a lot of time watching a movie in his head. His fiancé Nathan, aka "Mr. Alpha", wonders why Derek hasn't taken any interest in their wedding planning. Aunt Fran—his spiritual guru—would like to know when her guilt-tripping nephew became some kind of kept boy. One evening, she drops Derek's childhood journal on his lap, forcing him to remember the name he's been trying to forget since he was eleven years old. Nicolai Lund.

Nick was Derek's neighbor—and first love.

Weeks before Derek's engagement party, a chance meeting with Nick catapults Derek into the past. Nick could flood Derek’s stale existence like a blond tidal wave, but Nick isn't that sixteen-year-old rebel anymore. He's a man hardened by invisible scars.

As Derek reads through his diary, Nick and Derek’s powerful relationship sways between past and present, sweeping over their emotional landscape, revealing what they were, still are, and might yet be to each other.

I've got to get this off my chest.

I LOVE THE LUNDS!!!!!!!!!

I love Boone and that his insistence on being called Maverick. Because Top Gun. 
I love Lene. Because of her "baby" with Derek.
I love Johan and how paternal and loving he is.
I love Nico and his wildness and hot temper, but especially because of that dance and the eyeliner.
I even love stern Helga, though I do wonder why she's so hard on Nico and if his wildness drove her to ride him like Seabiscuit or if the wildness sprung from the sternness.
I also loved their Nordicness. Everything had beets and Aquavit! That's full of win right there!

You think they ever dressed up like this for Halloween? I bet they had the weird candy on the block.

Split is wildly romantic, but I had to stick with it to get there, though. I'll be honest, I struggled through the first 40ish%. So much pre-teen angst. I felt like I was drowning in it. YA and I are not friends. I also struggle with books where the MCs aren't interacting all that much AND *whispers* I don't really like Derek. *ducks* All of Split is told through Derek with time shifts between him at 11 and at 28. I think he's a complex character that's well fleshed out and I know he got dealt a shitastic parental unit hand. But, oy vey! He needs to use his words, speak up like his dear aunt Frannie and pretty much everyone who cares about him tells him to do. He's so snarky and witty and clever but it's all trapped inside his head. At one point, I found myself saying aloud, 'SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!' like a crazy train. 

Bravo, Ms. Bossa. You turned me into a one of those people. 

Nico helps him come out of his shell and in many ways their relationship is clearly symbiotic from early on. I loved that Nico never made fun of Derek and his stuttering, never didn't have time to be kind to him and was always patient as well as caring for both Derek and his siblings even though they're all at least 5 years younger than him. Derek seems to have a calming effect on Nico early on. Nico is Derek's everything. The sun, the moon, the stars and everything in between. Derek needs Nico like most people need water. He found his soul mate before he even hit puberty. I admit it. I'm a sucker for this destiny trope. Gets me every time.

I could barely hold my love inside my chest anymore. It expanded with every breath Nick took, until I could feel it on the very tip of my scalp and toes. There was darkness all around me. The only light I could see was the one in Nick's eyes. "I see," I whispered. 

And the light in his eyes swallowed the darkness. 

Like a blue vacuum. 

His face makes me want to cry.

Jump ahead to Derek at 28, who is in an unsatisfying relationship with a gregarious salesman named Nathan. Nathan is portrayed as "the villain", but I hold Derek just as culpable for the demise of their relationship due to his silence. He's a ghost in their relationship and it was painful to read. A chance meeting with Boone brings the Lunds back into his life and from that moment on, I was completely invested in this story and these characters. That dinner scene with the Lunds was a sucker punch straight to the feelz. The Lunds begin pushing Derek towards Nico as does aunt Frannie. It seems everyone knows Derek has been gaga over Nico since forever. I wonder if Nico had similar feelz for Derek, but held back because of the age difference.

"…happiness does eventually come, it just needs a lot of foreplay, that's all."

Needless to say, I ended up thoroughly enjoying Split. I loved how authentic all the chef parts were depicted. I loved how funny and poignant it was. I loved that both of them have come to a crossroads in their lives simultaneously and neither made impulsive decisions. The writing of Ms. Bossa is incredible. I was blown away to learn this was her first novel. I would've enjoyed some naughtiness, but… can't win em all.

Recommend for destiny trope saps like me. And fans of the color purple.

 

"'Because I like mixing the red and blue.'"

Lene set her fingers on her lips, but a small gasp escaped them.

"Red and Blue," she whispered.

Yes.

Red and Blue.

Find out more on Goodreads.

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME - Baby vs. Cupcake: The Sequel

Hear that loud rumble, pumping in your gut?
It's that time again, CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME!

Take in the glitter, bright lights and eye candy.

Baby and Cupcake back for a second round with different contenders: Jill Knowles' "Concubine" vs. Mel Bossa's "Split".

Want to know who won? Both.
Both of us did. And for different reasons. Cupcake went with the smut. Baby went with the feels. We brought our A+ game to the DOME.

One more time for glitter crotch!

1. How awesome was your CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME experience?

Baby: It was fucking awesome. I had bejeweled butt plugs and raspberry semen! What else could a girl ask for? In all seriousness, I adore CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME! The challenging unicorns chose some really boss ass books. Each one has showcased different writing styles, some popular mainstays that need to be read by others, some hidden gems that need a little more shine. And I enjoy it every time, whether I participate or I'm reading other participants' reactions. It's so fun!

Cupcake:  I ❤ THE DOME! THE DOME treats me right. Not to get all sappy but it makes me feel special that the other unicorns know me well enough to choose really fantastic reads for me. Things I wouldn't have chosen for myself. Blame Split for making me take a ride on the sap train to Sapsville.

2. Did your challenger choose well or miss the mark?

Baby: Oodles of pounding...demon/human sexing...sweet kinky "mine-ing"...lavender, raspberry flavored cum... *squints* Are you kidding me? Cupcake had a slam dunk, touchdown, home run and grand slam rolled into one with her choice. There was no way I wasn't going to like this. 
Imagine a bulls-eye. Guess who just bought property on that red dot? 
Cupcake. 

Cupcake:  At first I thought Baby was leading me astray what with all the pre-teen angst, but it turned out spectacular. Red and Blue gave me good feelz. I'll definitely look for other things from this author.

3. Favorite scene from the book?

Baby: ALL OF IT! DOWN TO THE QUOTATION MARKS! 
Oh alright...it's a toss up between Taren's bottoming scene, Kael's 'sacrifice' for Taren and Taren explaining to Kael the importance of whores, concubines and giving pleasure. 

Cupcake:  Geez! There were so many! If I had to pick one it would be the dancing scene between Nico and Derek when Derek was just a kid, but I really felt that dinner scene with the Lunds.

Thanks for checking out Cupcake & Baby's CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME: Part Deux. You can check out our reviews for Split-HERE and Concubine-HERE for more details and squeeage.

You know what the best part of THE DOME is?

The scenery! PINK! PINK! PINK! 

CANDYLAND THNDERDOME: Concubine by Jill Knowles

Scholar, captain...war prize. Prince Kael of Korai is stunned when his father gives him to an enemy warlord in a desperate attempt to salvage Korai’s reputation. With his country’s honor at stake, Kael resolves to submit to Warlord Taren’s every debauched whim.

But life in Zandria isn’t anything like what Kael imagined. Instead of pain and cruelty, Warlord Taren seduces Kael until the bewildered prince craves his Master’s every intimate caress. As he sinks into the decadent, sensual life of a concubine, Kael makes a powerful enemy, one who wants him removed from Zandria by any means necessary.

Betrayed by his body, trapped by his honor, Kael must learn to trust his Master or get them both killed.

Publisher's Note: This book contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable: BDSM theme and elements (including/not limited to bondage, gagging, tethering), dubious consent, exhibitionism, male/male sexual practices.

I'm that girl over there, playing in the lavender white jizz and glitter. Pay me no mind.

Why haven't I read this already? This seems to be my mantra for 2015. All thanks goes to the glorious Cupcake for booting my ass to this lavender oil scented goodness.

"This is pleasure, my catamite prince. I can taste my cum in your mouth while yours drizzle from my ass. I'm going to spill inside you soon, and then we'll sleep, and I'll fuck you again tomorrow."

THIS WAS SMUTASTIC! THIS WAS FUCKTACULAR! THIS WAS DEMON PERMA-DICK!

If I close my eyes, I can see rivers of lavender-white, demon cum running at full force.
And I want to swim in it.
If Taren wasn't taken, I swear I'd kick Kael to the side and ride that demon into the sunset.

All these years this book has sat on my Kindle, collecting dust, while I could have been surfing on Taren's purple scaled surfboardt. *dances like Beyonce*

This book has all the things:

* royal turned into slave/concubine
* big guy bottoming! *applauds*
* demons! (one of my FAVORITE paranormal beings)
* kinky toys *coughs*

* a believable GFY
* SMUT for all seasons (and it didn't read repetitive)
* fantasy warriors (yay- that's my shit)
* cross-dressing
* enemies to lovers (also a fave of mine)
* great banter between the main characters (I loved the snark and even the bit of depth)
* possessiveness a.k.a. the almighty "mine" (I never get tired of a well placed "mine")

"You have a gift for designing beautiful accessories, Taren, though why you feel the need to decorate my asshole with gemstones escapes me.""It's my favorite part of you--after your mind.""Charmer."

There is suspense, I guess, but it wasn't in the forefront. Know what is? That would be Taren's ever ready dick!

Prince Kael gets tricked into being his enemy's concubine. Taren, a 3/4 demon warlord eases Kael into his new role of personal whore. Kael struggles to accept his new royal and the betrayal all while falling for his Master and trying not to lose his sense of self.
Kael's struggle with his sexuality while being introduced to his anus?

This story was mostly sex but the story of Kael and Taren? That was pretty hot and sweet too. I liked the secondary characters. I loved that Kael still remained true to his character. Okay, maybe I was slightly iffy on the last scene but why should I care? Kael loves it. What more matters?

"I am ewe to your ram. How can I call myself a man anymore?""The penis is a dead giveaway."

This is definitely on my favorites shelf - not just for the fantastic smut. But for the warriors came to love each other.

If you haven't read Concubine and my laundry list looks enticing, jump aboard and read about Taren and Kael. It's a read that I'll remember for days.

Thanks to Cupcake! She knows Baby very well.

For more information on Goodreads or Booklikes!

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME: The Stallion vs. Cupcake

Mark Cooper is angry, homesick, and about to take his stepdad’s dubious advice and rush Prescott College’s biggest party fraternity, Alpha Delta Phi. Greek life is as foreign to Aussie transplant Mark as Pennsylvania’s snowstorms and bear sightings. So, when the fraternity extends Mark a bid, Mark vows to get himself kicked out by the end of pledge period. But then he’s drawn into Alpha Delt’s feud with a neighboring fraternity.

Studious Deacon Holt is disappointed to learn Mark’s pledging Alpha Delt, his fraternity Phi Sigma Kappa’s sworn enemy. Mark is too beautiful for Deacon to pass up an invitation for sex, but beyond sex, Deacon’s not sure. He wants a relationship, but a difficult family situation prevents him from pursuing anything beyond his studies.

Mark and Deacon’s affair heats up as the war between their fraternities escalates. They explore kinks they didn’t know they had while keeping their liaison a secret from their brothers. But what Romeo and Juliet didn’t teach these star-crossed lovers is how to move beyond sex and into a place where they share more than a bed. That’s something they’ll have to figure out on their own—if the friction between their houses, and between Mark and America, doesn’t tear them apart.

Why did Cupcake choose this book for me? Because she knew I would love it if I would just get over my stubbornness and give it a chance. She was 100% correct. Did I have to step out of my comfort zone? Oh yeah! Did I enjoy every aspect of the book? No, I could have done without the big taboo, the reason I didn't want to read the book in the first place. But I will say that these two authors somehow managed to make it something I was ok reading about. It was tasteful if such an act can be called that. I'm not going to dwell on it, but it was talked about quite a bit in the book. I'll just tell you if that's your only reason for not wanting to give the a try, do yourself a favor and get over it. I'm so glad I did.

The characters made this book a hit more so than the story itself for me. Mark Cooper was such a lovable guy and needed someone like Deacon so badly. And Deacon adored Mark. He accepted him completely and didn't try to change him. 

I also loved the supporting characters especially Brandon and Blake. 

The book touched on some heavy subjects and the hazing was a bit much for me. I wanted to skim most of the frat stuff but I was afraid I'd miss something important so I didn't. 

This book has heart. This book has humor. It also has some major kink. But these guys prove that love is love and I'm so glad I accepted the challenge to read Mark Cooper versus America. 

Thank you, Cupcake! 

You're welcome, Stallion and… 

*assist for MANTIES*
My personal have from this book and just because.

Boots McHenry and his boyfriend Ryan are young superstars in the North American Paintball League, a high-stakes sport where losers face exile -- five full years of it, on an island so secret no one can be sure it even exists. After Ryan has a tragic collision with an opposing team's paintball, the rules of the game force the boyfriends apart.

Boots is shattered without Ryan, so when his best friend Clemente Santiago suggests a daring, high-seas mission to find the island and reunite the pair, Boots jumps at the chance. They assemble a crack team to join them, including fashion model and mixed-martial-arts champ Colby Kroft, hunky-but-shy sea-captain Marcus Tumble, and Piper Pernfors, the ex who's aching to make Boots forget Ryan ever existed.

HOMO ACTION LOVE STORY! is a lighthearted, sex-filled adventure from the author of THE CRANBERRY HUSH and THE PAINTING OF PORCUPINE CITY. It's a perfect storm of beautiful fishermen, murderous pirates, blossoming romances, and secrets that call almost everyone's motives into question. Land, ho! This page-turner is sure to float your boat. 

Silly Fun!

I don't even know what to say about this book. I'm going with tagging it as scfy, but it's kind of a satire as well as an adventure. There were some feels that added poignancy, but didn't tip the scales to overkill. All of it is farfetched and kept me entertained.

Boots McHenry is a professional paintballer along with his boyfriend, Ryan, when we first meet them. All of the story is told from Boots' perspective and let me tell you, Boots is a dude. He calls everyone dude, he thinks like a dude, he acts like a dude-not dumb, just a dude. A pretty entertaining dude at that. At any rate, paintball is like professional soccer in this society, so he and his boyfriend are under the microscope all the time. It's clear from the get-go that something is amiss with Ryan. Their team, Theban Warriors, are contenders for The Splatter Cup and during a big match Ryan gets "killed". When you get "killed" in professional paintball you are sent to exile island for 5 years. Immediately. 

What do you do when your boyfriend unexpectedly gets taken away from you for 5 years? Well, first you hook up with your straight best friend, Clemente, in an epic butt cherry popping event wherein the sheets got ripped because they were both so sweaty it was hard getting traction for the pounding.

"Honestly, it's not so different from these MMAC fights, except that there's jizz at the end."

Then, you charter a boat and set out to find exile island so you can have a powwow with your newly estranged boyfriend. This is the most ragtag bunch of rescuers I've ever come across. I mean, who organizes a team comprised of their ex-boyfriend who's still got it bad for Boots, their pound buddy who you shredded the sheets with, your boyfriend's brother and your boyfriend's replacement's brother on the team as the captain? Who does that? Boots McHenry, that's who. Technically, it was Clemente's idea, but still. It made for some high seas hijinks to be sure.

Piper, Colby, Marcus, Clemente and Boots make a good team when the "plastic" pirates hijack their yacht. The plastic pirates are a ill-kempt and stinky bunch who picked the wrong professional paintballers to fuck with. Eighteen hours in the Pacific and witnessing a shark attack can't stop these dudes! Waterproof smartphone will fix that deal. Suck it, plastic pirates!

Throughout the trip the tension between Boots and Clemente builds and builds but the specter of Ryan looms between them. 

Some guys are cute and you want to pinch their cheeks and make sure they get home OK. Some guys are hot and you want them to bend you over a barrel and pound heaven into you.

I will admit I was uncomfortable with what I interpreted as a quick rebound time initially, but Boots' and Clemente's chemistry cannot be denied. Truthfully, I liked all of these dudes, probably Colby the most because of his exuberance and joie de vivre or maybe his name… Even Piper I kept thinking his heart was in the right place even though it's clear Boots isn't returning to his fuck truck any time soon. Poor guy. Despite the cockamamie premise of Homo Action Love Story!, I found the characters authentic and the relational aspects between them very organic along with the dialogue only with speedboats, pirates, shark attacks and typical action hero antics thrown in to push the story forward.

In a word, popcorn entertainment. Oh wait, that's 2 words. Oops. 

A special thank you to Mr. Monopoli for 'BILF' and 'dudenheimer'. *pets new words*

Recommend for GFY and adventure fans. 

Many thanks to The Stallion for choosing this for me. I'm certain had he not pointed it out, I'd never have run across it.

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME Part III-The Oddest One of Them All…

You know that saying the third time's the charm? Was this one of those times? You decide.

The Stallion was coaxed out of the stables. A rarity indeed.
The Stallion didn't quite adhere to the rules of CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME…  
Then again, he answers to no one and makes his own rules. 
It's his stable. We just work here. 'Work' being a relative term.

Our synchronicity wasn't up our usual exacting CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME standards… 

He took off out of the starting gate like they were giving away free cars at the finish line. I mean, he dusted me so bad! SO. BAD. 

Maybe he had a cougar in the car with him. I don't know. I do know I had to get all jacked up on Mt. Dew just to try to catch him. However, even though he Ricky Bobby'd the bejeezus out of me, there were no losers in CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME.

Naturally, he was a gentleman and waited an interminable amount of time at the finish line for me to answer some post-DOME questions. *cough* Like three months but who's counting?

The Interview

Actually I did, but The Stallion made it crystal clear that while he did enjoy popping his fisting reading cherry he has never and will never be fisted nor does he have any desire to engage in any fisting type activities. Ever.

*puts away gloves and lube with a heavy heart*

1.  How awesome was your CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME experience?

The Stallion:  I had a blast! Cupcake is a hoot so it was a party even though it was just the two of us. 

Cupcake:  I popped The Stallion's fisting reading cherry. *buffs nails* It doesn't get much better than that.

2.  Did your challenger choose well or miss the mark?

The Stallion:  Cupcake nailed it when she picked Mark Cooper for me. I don't think I would have read this book if I hadn't been challenged to read it. And that would have sucked for me because it was fantastic! I liked it so much I couldn't wait to read book 2 of the series and downloaded it as soon as it was released. 

Cupcake:  I'll admit to being skeptical when I started Homo Action Love Story!, but The Stallion knows I love dudes being dudes and good characters and pirates. This was a win on all fronts. AND I picked up new lingo from this thing. Amusing AND useful? The book practically paid for itself!

3.  Favorite scene from the book?

The Stallion:  There's just too many to list but this passage really hit home when I read it:

"Deacon smoothed Mark’s hair back from his forehead. Asleep, with all his attitude stripped away, there was no trace of angry bunny at all. Just tired bunny. Sweet bunny. Maybe lost bunny, who had looked up at the stars only to discover that they were wrong, that he didn’t recognize them anymore."

 Awwww, this was so sweet and romantic! 

Cupcake:  I have 2. The first time Boots and Clemente hooked up-the whole sequence from their banter at Yon's to the microphone usage to dissipate Clemente's nervousness to tearing the sheets-the whole thing was a win. The other was them clinging to the ice chest in the middle of the Pacific, thinking it was the end and Clemente stroking Boots' face. So romantic.
Honorable mention for the lube "wrestling" bit. *eyebrow waggle*

4.  Would you willingly enter THE DOME again?

The Stallion:  HELL YES! My unicorns know me well and haven't let me down yet. 

Cupcake:  I ❤ THE DOME! It's so glittery and has a candy center! Plus, who can resist lubed up dudes wrestling? You never know what sort of things you might find in THE DOME. It's always a good time.

5.  Any chance you'd don some MANTIES for promotional purposes or y'know science? 

The Stallion:  *blushes* I'll never tell! ;)

Cupcake:  Well, it was worth a shot. 

That's all for now. The Stallion & I thank you kindly for reading.

Look for more CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME battles soonish. Til then remember to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.

Shake and Bake 4-ever!

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME!!!! Stealing West by Jamie Craig

Leon Stroud is wanted for robbery and a murder he didn’t commit. On the run to California with his partner-in-crime, Kenneth, he spots the relentless bounty hunter, Thomas Grady, on the train. The only way to protect Kenneth is to create a distraction, and that’s what Leon does when he flees the train at the top of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. He forces Thomas to chase him, but nothing can prepare him for what it means to be caught.

Thomas Grady always gets his man, and Leon Stroud is no exception to that rule. But almost from the moment Thomas touches Leon, he wants the outlaw for something besides his bounty. Driven by desire he doesn’t understand, Thomas repeatedly claims Leon’s body on the long journey from Soda Springs to San Francisco—and Leon only begs for more. An even bigger threat, with a larger bounty, could be the very thing they need to drive them together...or tear them apart.

Why do I think Jet picked Stealing West for me? That's easy. Because cowboys, duh! Also because of the dirty, filthy sexy times and she knew I would need the 'aww' factor and this one is so very 'aww' worthy. Of course, she knew the ending would get me reeeaall good too.

Now, I love me some cowboys and I've been meaning to read this book since Jet first told me about ages ago but for some reason I just never got around to it. Thank the gods for CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME 'cause I could kick myself for not reading this delicious filth sooner!

Let me just tell you.  This book is dirty y'all.  Like down-in-the-actual-dirt, screaming-obscenities-while-being-pile-driven, got-scratches-from-tree-bark-on-my-dick dirty.  It. Was. Awesome!

We first meet Leon on the train with his partner in crime Kenneth and Kenneth's new family.  Leon's feeling a bit out of sorts and like a fifth wheel ever since Kenneth married the love of his life and decided to settle down.  He decides to take a walk down the length of the train to try and calm his mind.  Unfortunately, (or fortunately, however you want to look at it it) he spies the last person he wants to see, the best bounty hunter in the West, Thomas Grady.  So, doing what outlaws do best, Leon makes his getaway the moment the train stops.

And the adventure begins...

I honestly didn't expect to love this book as much as I did.  Now, I like me some dirty, raunchy sex as much as the next person but for me to really enjoy a book it needs to have an actual story.  For some reason I had it in my head that this was nothing more than PWP with some cowboys thrown in.  So imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered this not only had a plot but was a well written, sweet story.  And it had feels.  Oh, did it have some feels!

The cat and mouse game these two men (and they were men - not boys) played made me squirm.  The sexual tension was delectable and the sex!  The sex was absolutely divine.   All the manhandling, the tying up, the holding down... guh!  And that bathtub scene!  If you read this for nothing else, read it for that bathtub scene.  Gives me the good shivers. 

Throw all that in with a plot and loads of emotions and I was hooked.  The only reason it doesn't get a full five hearts is 'cause it's too damned short!  I could have read a 100 more pages of this story.  I fell in love with both of these men but Leon especially.  Leon now has a pocket reserved just for him.  He was so adorably snarky I could just eat him up.

So thank you Jet for making me read this.  You really do know how to pick 'em.

Find out more about Stealing West over on Goodreads

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME!!! Stories Beneath Our Skin by Veronica Sloane

Tattooing might have once been Liam’s passion, but he left it all behind along with ugly memories when he went to college. When his uncle’s health fails, Liam must come home at last to say his goodbyes. His days are spent at the hospice, leaving his nights to rake over the past. To fill those empty hours, he takes a job at Great Sin Ink. The close knit friendship of the workers there both intrigues and shakes Liam, who has spent the last four years keeping everyone at arm’s length. Neither Deb, the no-nonsense piercer, nor Goose, a manic tattoo artist, will let Liam get away with his isolationist ways for long.

If it were just those two, Liam might have stood a chance -- but there’s also Ace, the owner of Great Sin. He hires Liam despite a thin resume, and that is a kindness Liam can’t forget. The two start up a tentative friendship, learning about each other as the summer days melt into each other. Slowly, Liam reveals a tender heart underneath the wall of quotes he uses to keep everyone out. Unfortunately, life doesn’t stand still, and both Liam and Ace have hard struggles before them that might break them up before they can even get together.

Why did Jem choose this story for me for CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME? Because she knows me. She knows me well. Couple of tattooed boys with broken hearts and an ENTIRE book filled with snark? Yes, please! Good job Jem, you done good!


You know how sometimes you can read a story that tells you profound things in one simple collection of sentences that you can’t get out in rambling paragraphs of word vomit with any kind of clarity? This is one of those stories. There were so many things I loved about it. Liam came from a background of heartache, but he wasn’t a ridiculous mess of angst. His pain read true without being overly dramatic and I really appreciated the subtlety the author used to tell his story. The impact was so much greater with fewer, well thought out words. The secondary characters were just as important as the mains. These guys were so close with their friends and ‘family’ so the strength of the secondary characters gave Liam and Ace a lot of depth because I could see them as more than just a “boyfriend”. They were fully fleshed out because of Deb, Goose, Frankie, Gene and Cole. I didn’t mind when one of the MC’s was off talking with the secondary characters instead of to one another because the conversations were just as important and just as entertaining.

Most of all I loved the love story here. It was quiet and real and beautiful. Liam and Ace were perfectly meshed. Each provided the other with the missing pieces they need to be whole and balanced. It was a slow build up to get to their relationship and I thoroughly enjoyed the journey. Anything sooner would have cheapened what they had. My favorite part was the first real conversation the two of them had alone in the diner. Liam is very quiet but the words he does say have a lot of impact and Ace can appreciate them and draw them out. I loved that they were honest with one another. There was never a moment of “I can’t let him know how I feel even though I’ve basically already told him and the rest of the world knows and wants to smack us upside the head and just freakin’ say something already” crap. That was refreshing and it didn’t take away from the UST at all.

Finally, the snark. The snark is hilarious. There were so many great lines and so much love, even in the bickering between any and all of the characters. It was like listening in on best friends and just wanting to be a part of their world.

I did a lot of highlighting with this story, but this line stuck with me:

“The epiphany broke over him quietly, the groundwork long since laid.”

They are beautiful words on their own, but taken in context, at this part of the story, they are everything.

So Jem, you were spot on. Everything you knew I would love is here in this book in spades. Jem wins ALL the things.

Find out more about Stories Beneath Our Skin over on Goodreads . . .

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME: Jem vs. Jet

Hear the monster trucks? See the pink and purple lights and lasers? The white clouds of smoke as the metal cage gets dropped over the arena? See the gay porn mascots, swishing their tails to the awesome beat of the unicorn glam rock band? The candy and chocolates being thrown in the air? The glitter bombs shooting across the sky?

This isn't a test, honey. You're not dreaming or hallucinating!

It's CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME! THUNDERDOME! THUNDERDOME! *echoes* 

The unicorns have cordially invited you to witness our epic reactions to books that we love and think fellow unicorns would enjoy. They just haven't got to it yet.

Well, not anymore!

It's CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME!

All the things happen inside the arena! Two readers enter! Two winners leave? Candy gets consumed? Naked mascots get groped?! What?

This match is Jet (Ann) vs. Jem (Jenni Lea)!

Ann has to read - Stories Beneath Our Skin by Veronica Sloane

Jenni Lea has to read - Stealing West by Jamie Craig

Jem - Why Stories Beneath Our Skin ?

 Pretty much because I love this book so much and I need for everyone to read it.  But mostly because I think Jet will love it too.  It has everything she likes:  smart writing, multi-dimensional characters,  a mature plot line but most of all it has SMARK!  I know Jet loves SMARK just as much as Jem does.

When I first read Stories Beneath our Skin I was overcome by the sheer brilliance of the writing.  I had no words to describe how I felt.  I still don't have words good enough to describe it.  The words in this book are subtly amazing.  So beautiful in their simplicity.  No purple prose or fluff here!  I fell in love with all of the characters, not just the main protagonists.  It's a book that I could read over and over again and not tire of - ever.  I just want Jet to experience the awesome power of these words.  Plus it has tattoos and c'mon, who doesn't love tattoos?

Jet - Why Stealing West?

Why did I pick this book? Well, you know how sometimes you’ll read an older book, it’s not as new and shiny as the one you keep seeing in your update feed ad nauseam, but it’s so awesome you want ALL your peeps to read it NOW?

That’s what this book has always been for me. It was one of the early books I read when I first discovered the magic that is MM and I remember thinking, “This book is fucking filthy and I love it super hard!” I’m a big fan of the writing team that is Jamie Craig, and this is by far my favorite. Not only is it deliciously filthy, it is really incredibly romantic. Like, real romance. Not insta-love hearts and flowers BS, but the ‘these two dudes HAVE to be together or everything I know about the universe is a lie’ kind of romance and reading about them figuring it out has stuck in my head for years now. I ended up rereading it last year to see if it was just my newness to the genre that made me love it then or if the story really was that awesome to my now jaded self. It really is that awesome. Anyone who can make beautifully dirty kink deeply romantic at the same time (think, our resident Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain, Heidi Cullinan) is brilliant in my book.

Why did I pick this book for Jem? The obvious reason is she shares my love for the country boys and all that is the dirty. I’m hoping she’ll forgive me the fact that there is no shifting, knotting or knocking up of said country boys. But, I would be the biggest fool of all to try and rec any of that to our resident expert. No one knows more about the howl and growl than our Princess of Knottinghim, don’t even try and tell any unicorn otherwise. I do think she’ll get the romance out of the story though too and I mostly really need another unicorn to read this damn thing and Jem is a gamer who will give anything a fair shot.

Be good to my boys Jem! You don’t have to be gentle though, they aren’t fans of that nonsense. Enjoy!

Stay tuned for our reaction post later this week! It's CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME! THUNDERDOME! THUNDERDOME!

P.S. We have other matches/challenges coming in the future! A thing of beauty to see unicorns in their battle gear, prepared to read!

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME Review: Nowhere Ranch by Heidi Cullinan

Roe Davis is a man who works hard, keeps to himself, and never mixes business with pleasure — until he takes a weekend away from his new job at Nowhere Ranch and runs into the owner at the only gay bar for two hundred miles. Getting involved with the boss is a bad idea, but Travis Loving is hard to say no to, especially when it turns out their kinks line up like a pair of custom-cut rails. As Loving points out, so long as this is sex on the side, no interfering with the job, they could make it work.

The truth is, there’s good reason Roe never settles down and always spends his birthdays and holidays celebrating alone. Shut out in the cold by his family years ago, Roe survived by declaring he didn’t need a home. As his affair with Loving grows into more than just sex, Roe finds out what happens when he stays put a little bit too long: the past always catches up with you. Eventually, even a loner gets lonely, and home will grow up through whatever cracks you leave open for it — even in a place called Nowhere.

Publisher's Note: This book contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable: Male/male sexual practices, strong BDSM theme and elements, fetish play.

I lay many thanks on the feet of my dear Cupcake because she gave me the most needed boot in my ass to finally read Heidi Cullinan. We've been discussing (maybe I've been pushing her onto the Tali train - but I mean well) for months, guys. Long months. And I have a list of other books we need to read. The CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME event was created from that by the excellente idea of a few unicorns.

Nowhere Ranch is one of those books that has a reputation. You know its number is written on the bathroom wall, so to speak - 'for a good time, dial Nowhere Ranch, ask for Roe' kind of rep. Very popular. Some parts I've heard all about *coughs*fisting*coughs*pony play*coughs*puppy play*coughs.

Excuse me, I must of had something in my throat.

This book is so well known I won't rehash the plot too much - damaged ex-con who doesn't value himself enough is toss to the side by his homophobic family. He finds his work on a ranch in Nebraska. And his self. Yes, this is a romance. It also has some yummy kink for readers who enjoy public exhibition, rimming, the puppy & pony plays, bondage, cumeating, dirty talk or fingering. Monroe and Travis love ass play.

Let's say I really enjoyed when Roe and Travis played together. *shudders* If you told me this book that started off so hotly, ended the way it did, I'd have told you no way.  But it did. The personal growth that Roe takes (it's told from his 1st person POV) was even more delicious to me than the kink. And I think this is why Cupcake knew this one was for me.

I got a novel with depth. I got characters I cared about (#teamHaleyFTW). I got the smut. But I also got the HEA romance.

You want to know what my most favorite part of "Nowhere Ranch" was? Actually, it's parts.

No, it most certainly was not that part. I do love a good Crisco scene, it's been well documented on GR, but it wasn't that. (In fact, fisting makes my insides cringe. Then I whimper for all the loosened orifices out there) It wasn't the kink (though it was might-tee fine), it wasn't the characters (though they were well fleshed out) or the setting (who knew a city girl could come to appreciate Nebraska farm life *shrugs*).

It was the way the author could emote with a handful of words. Some of the simplest sentences and I'm captured, my attention was fully engaged and I am there with Roe.

Baby loves the filthy, raunchy things. But she loves a good story even more. Put those two together? Woo-wee!!! You have my attention.

Highly recommended. Totally reading more from this author (I actually have a pile of her stuff...I'll try to cut down the lengthy gap next time) Don't be like me and wait years to crack open a Heidi Cullinan book.

Find more info on Goodreads and BookLikes!

CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME REVIEW: Thick as Thieves by Tali Spencer

After Vorgell the barbarian fucks himself with a unicorn horn, he ends up in a cell with Maddog, a pretty young thief. It’s lust at first sight for Vorgell—but honestly, he can’t help it. Unicorn horn is a potent aphrodisiac, and now he can’t stop thinking about sex. Luckily, Madd is one male witch who knows how to put Vorgell’s new magical body to good use when he tricks Vorgell into a kiss that helps them escape.

Vorgell may desire sex in general—and Madd in particular—but Madd has no intention of being screwed by a man twice his size. He has problems of his own, including an enchanted collar that causes him to desire his most hated enemy. He wants that collar off as soon as possible, but that requires stealing a basilisk egg from the castle they just escaped.

Drawn together by lust and magic, the two men join forces and soon find themselves up to their necks in witches, wizards, and trouble. Vorgell and Madd might just be perfect for each other, but first they have to survive long enough to find out.

Back in the day when Baby was insisting I read this I read the blurb. Read the blurb. Go on. I'll wait. The dude, and I quote, "fucks himself with a unicorn horn". Now I ask you, wouldn't you automatically think this was going to be PWP? I did. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against PWP. I'm just saying my expectations weren't all that high. Well, I'm happy to be proven wrong in the inaugural CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME. 

Smooches, Baby. 

So this barbarian, Vorgell, accidentally kills a unicorn (the gasp heard round the world), eats a bunch of "berries" that make him so horny he fucks himself with its horn which dissolves thereby making him magical. Literally.

OH, don't you look at me in that tone of voice, JT! I'm serious! 

What was I saying? Oh, right. So Vorgell becomes magical and ends up in a cell at the baron's keep in a drunken unicorn horn induced stupor with Madd, a witchkin. Madd quickly devises a plan of escape by leaching some of the magicalness from Vorgell and the adventure begins as does the collecting of the magic. Ahem.   >________>

I was as surprised as the next person to find an actual plot here amongst the magic jizz. Yap, you read that right. Vorgell's jizz is magical. He jizzed on a wall and it sprouted flowers! That's a city revitalization plan I can get behind. 

Vorgell… *sigh* He had me at the first bellowing of "Battle!". 

He is hands down the most endearing barbarian I've ever run across. Not that I'm a barbarian expert or anything. He's certainly seems atypical. He relishes a good pillaging and certainly knows his way around weapons, but aside from that he's a gentle giant AND a kissing fiend/snuggle monster. A side effect of the horning is that his horned-upedness is unflagging. It's not his fault! It's the POWER OF THE UNICORN.

Unicorn horn created unabated sexual desire in anyone who partook of it-the baron's magicians had explained that too-and he had partaken of enough horn to fuel the lusts of a horde for the rest of his natural life.

Hiding is a good plan, Spock, otherwise… Let's just say at one point the tree knots started looking good. O___O

Vorgell is pretty taken with Madd despite his general grouchiness. Madd seems to dig the barbarian too, but Madd's lugging around some baggage and a healthy fear respect for the "dragon" lurking in Vorgell's loincloth. The baggage slips out in fits and starts and is the basis for Madd's need for control in the bedroom which Vorgell really loves by the way and I REALLY love that about Vorgell. 

*growls*

Cupcake likes when the big-uns bottom and when they're submissive. Two words:  WIN/WIN. 

HOWEVER, there's really not all that much sexing in Thick as Thieves. It's mostly fantasy adventure with a burgeoning romance between Vorgell and Madd interspersed. They become friends, each other's only friends and form an alliance of brains and braun. Vorgell is loyal and will do anything to protect Madd. Madd is clever, mistrustful yet finds himself increasingly reliant upon the "oaf". The adventure is good old-fashioned fun and involves a great deal of magic, a basilisk egg, a slave collar, some nasty wizards, some thieves and PETAL!!!!!! 

PETAL FOR THE CANDYLAND THUNDERDOME WIN!!!!!!!
Thankfully, Baby says we can share custody otherwise things could've gotten ugly.

Once again, I thank Baby for recommending. Now I'm all kinds of essssited to read Thick as Ice.

Goodreads