Audiobook Review: Tall, Dark and Deported by Bru Baker

Crossing the border into love.

Snap decisions and misguided ideas bring Portuguese national Mateus Fontes and businessman Crawford Hargrave together at the Canadian border crossing.

Mateus is caught in a catch-22. With his almost-expired tourist visa, entrance to Canada is denied, but the US won’t let him back in either. Crawford thinks he’s solved things when he tells the border agent they’re engaged, and it works—except now they have to actually get married before either of them can get back into the United States. But Crawford has been burned by marriage once, and he’s determined not to make that mistake again.

Neither of them expects real feelings to bloom out of their fake marriage, but they do. And the two of them have to learn how to be honest with each other to make things work, which is especially hard when their entire marriage is based on lies.

Narrator: Dorian Bane
Listening Length: 6 hours and 30 minutes

This is some extra dreamy Dreamspun Cracky Fluff!

Fake to real relationships is one of my most favoritest tropes ever. I also really like when there's an element of kismet in my couples. Both were utilized in Tall, Dark and Deported which made for a happy Cupcake.

Crawford and Mateus meet at SeaTac airport when their flight to Vancouver is delayed. The sparks start flying over pretzel bites and when the flight gets cancelled they decide to just drive it. Only they get to the border and things don't go as planned. Of course they don't.

A quickie marriage later and they're staying at the swanky hotel Crawford has been sent to figure out why it's hemorrhaging money. And here comes the UST.

Crawford has been married before TO A DICK! It's a good thing I drive like the wind so I'm pretty sure no one saw me flipping and telling off his DICK of an ex. Did I mention the guy's a dick? And their boss is making them work together because they "make a good team". Dick.

It's entirely possible I narrowly missed a visit to a padded cell because there were some batshit antics happening inside my vehicle.

I digress.

Crawford was third degree burned by marriage and now is a card carrying member of #TeamLoveIsACrock. They don't fall in instalove but Mateus is hard to resist with his tall, dark and handsomeness not to mention his stupid sexy accent.

As attracted to each other as they are, and they are which is clear to see FROM SPACE or by way of having both of their perspectives (potato, potahto), but they cannot find an adult conversation with a GPS, a map and Alexa walking them through the process step by step. Could they not see the heart showers? Smell the sweet scent of romance in the air? How they could've missed that the cosmos is doing everything short of duct taping them together to see them that way forever-n-ever is beyond me. I couldn't believe how long this went on. They kiss, they frot, they get to know each other more and more, Crawford even buys the house next door and did I mention all the UST and longing? Still nothing! They never do! There is a grand gesture in the last chapter where they declare their feels for one another but nary a pow wow was had.

I hope they making working on using their words a priority in their marriage because Holy Communication Failure, Batman!

Dorian Bane did a great job with the voices, keeping the MCs distinct throughout and infusing them with feeling and emotion. Some of the secondary characters sounded alike but I wasn't bothered by that. And he's still got that rumbly thing happening that I dig so all was well.

Despite the piss poor communication skills this was still highly enjoyable for me. I liked both the characters and how it all came out, thus I would recommend to fans of the series.

A review copy was provided.

See our eBook tag team review HERE

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