Happy Hour Chat: An Onanist's Journey to Reclaiming His Seed by K.A. Merikan

Top o' the morning, ladies and guvs, and welcome to the August Happy Hour Chat! Today we gather around to raise our pinkies and enjoy a spot of tea while we discuss a little historical novella from the writing duo K.A. Merikan. So pull up a tufted velveteen chair and recline on a chaise lounge to join us for the Happy Hour Chat about An Onanist's Journey to Reclaiming His Seed by K.A. Merikan.

K.A. Merikan will be August's Author of the Month, so keep an eye out for more reviews of their work and an interview with them later this month!

Editor's Note: Things got a little...wacky with the use of some creative screennames. >__> Comments from the name in the beige color using "Ann" are actually made by Natasha. Comments from the name in the red color using "Natasha" are actually made by Ann. Let's just say Ann actually HATES clowns and LOVES the LA Kings, and Natasha HATES butterflies. Sometimes unis can get a little feisty.

Warning: This chat contains spoilers.

ANN! changed name to Natasha LOVES butterflies
Natasha LOVES butterflies: DONE!
Audrey: hahahahhahahahahahahaha
Breann: LOLOL
Ann Loves Clowns: .............
Cupcake: nice!
Audrey: I'm laughing so hard right now.
Sunny: lmao!!!
Ann Loves Clowns: You know what? My name is Ann and I have a sour attitude toward Natasha, who is a perfect angel
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Your halo is crooked there Natasha
Justin: Can we talk about masturbating now?
Breann: yes, please
Breann: go ahead, J
SRAL: onanists!
Lorix: Lol - the book was funny! And SHORT
Jenni Lea: So, um... I have a confession to make.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Go JL
SRAL: You didn't read it?
Lorix: JL!!
Justin: You didn't read the book?
Jenni Lea: I didn't read the book. I was too busy watching Sons Of Anarchy
Jenni Lea: :(
Justin: You are punished
SRAL: These name changes are messing with me.
Sunny: but...but...you missed lines like "Benjamin was on a road to hell, paved with wasted semen."
Okay, quick copy/paste of the blurb for "An Onanist's Journey to Reclaiming His Seed" so we know what's going on: Benjamin Snowley is trapped in a most distressing predicament. He’d been feeling poorly and after having recently recovered from influenza, with his eyesight worsening, he knows that the fault for his declining health lays in a vice he wouldn’t dare mention in polite conversation.
Onanism, self-pollution, masturbation. All names for the same sinful affliction.
Benjamin refuses to be dragged down into an early grave by unnatural urges. When he finds out about a doctor who came up with a new, experimental method of treating his illness, he jumps at the opportunity.
Benjamin Snowley is determined to get better even if the treatment is highly unorthodox and involves an inappropriate proposition for a young stableman.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Oh JL, you would like this one too. You could probably finish it before we're done chatting

Want to read more about this crazy little Regency story? Find out what we had to say about it after the jump!

Thanks for joining us! Come have a crumpet and cucumber sandwich while we use very proper British accents (of course!) to discuss our August Happy Hour Chat book!

Lorix: Okay....first off can I declare my love for the perviness of the Doc
Sunny: I loved your comment, Lori, about the Doc needing to observe the therapy :)
SRAL: Jizz
SRAL: Sperm
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I loved Tom!!!!
Sunny: I loved Tom, too!
Breann: OMG! Yes!
Breann: I love how technical everything was.
Breann: Like, I need to stick my fingers in your ass. For science.
Ann Loves Clowns: this is how science works, breann
Ann Loves Clowns: i asked sara
SRAL: Semen!
Lorix: Well - ya know, if you're gonna be a pervert you may as well do it properly
Audrey: The doc totally skeeved me out.
Audrey: But Tom was a sweetheart!
Justin: Do you think Tom knew better?
Sunny: Oh, yeah, he did
SRAL: I do!
Breann: yes, definitely
Ann Loves Clowns: I like to believe that Tom was an innocent idiot
Audrey: Me too, Natasha. Like Al in "Muscling Through."
Sunny: No, Tom knew, but he had a little of that servant/master thing going, too
Jenni Lea: *runs off to read book real quick*
Natasha LOVES butterflies: But he was such a flattered innocent idiot
Lorix: I liked Tom - Benjamin was a major drip though!
Breann: Tom knew exactly what he was doing. Oh, you need to drink my semen for health and science? I guess I can oblige
Sunny: exactly, Breann :D
Justin: If he did, he's a scoundrel. I like scoundrels!
Ann Loves Clowns: LOL a major DRIP? :D
Ann Loves Clowns: i love you lori
Audrey: Well, he knew that much, but...like he had sweet intentions! I think he liked Benjamin.
Breann: Drip? LOL
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Tom was a little slow, but the smart kind that doesn't overanalyze the reason for the dick sucking - SMART!
Audrey: No overanalyzing the reasons for dick sucking.
Jenni Lea changed name to Jenni Lea Needs to be Punished
Lorix: JL - LOL
Natasha LOVES butterflies: LOL JL
Ann Loves Clowns changed name to Ann HATES the LA Kings
Justin: oh fuck!
Cupcake: *gasp* too far!!!!!
Jenni Lea Needs to be Punished: Oh, I think you may have gone too far
Natasha LOVES butterflies: OK - now THAT is just fucked up and wrong right there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​!!!
Sunny: uh oh
Breann: i can NOT stop laughing
Natasha LOVES butterflies: *gets on plane to Canada*
Cupcake: DEFCON 4
Audrey: ooooooh, burn
Natasha LOVES butterflies: The universe knows how ridiculous your statement is and chooses to ignore you
Ann HATES the LA Kings: bring it on, annnnn :D
Lorix: A step toooooo far my lovely Canadian
Audrey: Yes, here's the line. You went over it!
Ann HATES the LA Kings: *prances around*
Ann HATES the LA Kings: im a rebel!
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Some shit is sacred here.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: *puts barstool in front of the prancing Natasha*
Ann HATES the LA Kings: HEY NOW
Ann HATES the LA Kings: one time! it was one time!
Natasha LOVES butterflies: That's ALL it takes
Sunny: We may need to call a time out here
Justin: Why can't we all just get along?
Justin: And talk about dripping peens?
Audrey: YES, LET'S! Dripping peens and blowjobs...
Ann HATES the LA Kings: i want to believe they were both stupid... tom and benji :)
Lorix: Oh no - Tom totes knew what he was doing. He was getting blow jobs and a chance to stick his knob in his master's arse. Go Tom
Cupcake: the stallion has spoken
Lorix: When the Stallion speaks we listen
Lorix: ......................................sometimes. Mwah J
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Get her J!
Sunny: BACK TO THE BOOK! *cracks whip*
Audrey: Okay, what's everyone's favorite part of the book?
Lorix: Tom
Lorix: Tom, I liked Tom
Sunny: Tom...*sigh* with "…buttocks, round and hard like shelled nuts"
Breann: I liked Tom but I think my favorite was when he saw the doctor
Breann: Everything was so matter of fact
Sunny: “I will now enter you, so brace yourself.”
Lorix: Tom, getting to shag because his boss was a big ol' drip
Audrey: For me, I liked how there was this dichotomy while reading of thinking "this is so fucked up" and "awwww, that's so sweet" at the same time. It was a unique experience.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: YES Audrey!
Ann HATES the LA Kings: I agree with audrey.. it's like when you make the grossed out face but keep reading and wiggling around
Lorix: Find dictionary. Looks up dichotomy.
Lorix: Laughs cos it sounds like diCKotomy
Cupcake: i liked that he was going to go blind or get consumption if he didn't find a way to stop
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Tom was so sweet even though he was kinda lost
Ann HATES the LA Kings: I liked Tom, but I loved Benji most. Bless his dumb little brain
Sunny: The doctor was so pervy
Sunny: "So the doctor would not only see but touch as well? Whatever it took."
Breann: "If you would bend over with your behind turned towards me."
Audrey: Now, he wasn't a real doctor, right? He was a charlatan or whatever they were called in the Regency period.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: "It does not seem deviant, but we shall see how it feels to the touch" - Pervy Doc
Sunny: I think so, Audrey, or just a real pervy DR
Cupcake: and why'd it have to be a working class man to cure him?
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Because he's so strong and virile by nature
Audrey: Because their seed is virile and gives them strength! :)
Breann: I see the doctor looking over his small round spectacles
Breann: with a top hat
Lorix: The Doc. Good line of work for a regency pervert.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: And greasing up his pervy little fingers
Ann HATES the LA Kings: *makes notes in case she ever travels back in time*
Cupcake: how did the Dr find the willing participants?
Lorix: It was so freaking funny. The whole thing
Justin: I'm glad Ben didn't fuck the nasty prostitute
Audrey: Me too, J! I like how that was handled, actually. Benjamin seemed so sweet.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I like how Benji wanted to have a statue carved of Tom and fantasized about him in a uniform
Breann: His proposition of Tom was funny too
Sunny: He was a prime example of a working class male if Benjamin ever saw one…
Cupcake: indeed. tom slept in hay. nothing says working class like sleeping in hay
Breann: “Oh, it’s very simple really, unless you find me repulsive, but I am a very clean man. I would need to ingest it, suck it out of your organ. It would be of no harm to you, the doctor told me a man like you wouldn’t run out of it.”
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Nothing says sexy like smelling like horseflesh
Lorix: Maybe, once Benjamin was feeling strengthened by Tom's 'seed' he went back, got the dock worker and they had a threesome. So restorative, for wankers
Ann HATES the LA Kings: mmm horseflesh
Justin: Also glad he invited Tom to his room. That was sweet.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: And then they cuddled
Sunny: “I am not asking for your sperm in charity, Tom. I will reimburse you for your loss.”
Breann: LOL Sunny!
Breann: It's so weird...
Sunny: Natasha LOVES cuddling, too :)
Ann HATES the LA Kings: cuddling is dumb. it wasted time when they couldve been bumsexing
Breann: *cuddles next to natasha*
Breann: *gives butterfly kisses*
Ann HATES the LA Kings: *drops dead*
Jenni Lea Needs to be Punished: LOL B
Natasha LOVES butterflies: LOL Breann - you're my hero!
Audrey: My favorite part: When Tom asks Benjamin, "Have you already healed yourself this way?" And he clearly wants to know if he's gonna be Benjamin's first.
Audrey: <3
Sunny: Tom so knew what was going on.
Lorix: Yes Audrey, I liked that too...so do we think Tom was experienced in this, er, 'line of work'?
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Oh - you are so right Audrey! That was cute. Tom was actually pretty sly a couple of times
Breann: he definitely did, Sunny
Cupcake: u think it was tom's first time too?
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Tom was with chicks before, but I think Benji was his first dude
Breann: You think? It seemed like he knew what he was doing
Ann HATES the LA Kings: what a stud
Justin: No I think Tom was just in the right place at the right time.
Audrey: I think Tom liked to have a good ol' romp in the hay, but he wasn't necessarily a playboy or whatever.
Lorix: He was a stud muffin
Ann HATES the LA Kings: yup, total muffin of the stud variety
Natasha LOVES butterflies: He appreciated an opportunity. Smart Tom is smart
Breann: the last line made me laugh
Breann: “…he was happy to vouch that the result were already most promising.”
Justin: love that too, B
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Benji was such the optimist
Lorix: Yeah, that was good.
Audrey: That was so sweet.
Cupcake: *snort*
Sunny: “I thinks it’s already seeping into my glands,” he said, looking up at the finest male specimen he’d ever seen. His whole body was on fire, surely already ingesting the seed.
Breann: and so clueless
Lorix: The whole thing made me laugh.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: It was really chucklicious
Sunny: It was so utterly ridiculous. I loved it.
Breann: it was all absurd and ridiculous and highly entertaining
Cupcake: i don't think benji's very bright though
Sunny: No, he definitely wasn't
Breann: he was just... clueless.
Breann: and pretty cute, too
Lorix: Benji was defintely a sandwich short of a picnic
Justin: I really enjoyed the whole story. I just wish it was longer!
Justin: Wanted more sexy times.
Breann: of course, i would have liked a good HEA
Sunny: Yes, more sexy times would have been good.
Audrey: More sexy times!
Audrey: This may sound ridiculously practical, but I couldn't help but wonder where the doc had gotten someone to create the "egg holder" a.k.a. butt plug.
Ann HATES the LA Kings: maybe he was also a wizard
Sunny: I think they had ALL kinds of toys back then. The egg holder was nothing new :)
Cupcake: did i misread a line or did it sound like he thought he could get pregnant by this… science?
Sunny: No, Cupcake, he thought the sperm would pass through him to his wife!
Audrey: I wanted a bit more of an HEA to show how they worked out their remedy long-term.
Justin: YES, Audrey
Lorix: me too!!
Cupcake: i'd read another story if the Dr was the MC. for realz
Ann HATES the LA Kings: yes, doctor kink is hawt @ cuppy
SRAL: I would like a story with the doctor as a MC
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I want more Tom and Benji
Lorix: He needs a dungeon somewhere - and to watch. he's a watcher...
Cupcake: after he was made more virile by the working class sperm
Breann: Yes! I would definitely read about the doc!
SRAL: I'm kinda over Benji and Tom...like I think it was the perfect length or I would have gotten bored
Natasha LOVES butterflies: It kinda had to end where it ended unless it wanted to be a full novella length
Sunny: A short story where the doctor watches another patient in therapy
Breann: i would read about the doc doing dr stuff to his patients
Breann: he's such a scientific man
Sunny: me, too, B
SRAL: i was kinda hoping the doctor would have bumsexed Benji
Sunny: he could make observations during the treatment, lol...
SRAL: A little disappointed all he did was finger him
SRAL: Like stick in the tip...for science
Audrey: Doctor was a Creepy McCreeperson!!
Ann HATES the LA Kings: LOL. SRAL.. you're best
Cupcake: i bet that Dr could really get down, get down
Lorix: It was just that Dr and Benji so freaking clueless. He really was a drip - I mean, no characteristics that usually makes a good MC, yet it worked.
Audrey: Awww, really, Lori? I thought Benji was quite earnest, which was endearing to me.
Ann HATES the LA Kings: awwww, I loved benji! i loved how clueless he was
Audrey: Earnest and sweet.
Cupcake: ME TOO, BABY!!!
Lorix: Nope, he just didn't have anything I would normally look for.
Lorix: A bit too naive. I don't know, normally I like sweet, naive, earnest.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I'll stick with Tom, thanks
Breann: ..but i liked him...
Audrey: Ditto.
Audrey: <3 Tom
Sunny: Benji was earnest, and sweet. Just a little too gullible, though
SRAL: dick gobbling doctor...now that's a calling card
Lorix: I liked Tom
Sunny: I loved Tom.
Breann: I'm kind of all about the doctor
Sunny: lol...I'm not surprised, B
Lorix: The Dr was evil really. Poor little Benji, all he wanted to do was toss off.
Ann HATES the LA Kings: yeah, i was cool with the doctor. added juuusttttttt enough weirdness
Sunny: I don't think the Dr was evil, just a pervert
Lorix: A pervert praying on the innocent wankers of...wherever the heck it was set
SRAL: I liked Tom a little more than Mr. Snowley. Tom knew what time it was...mangina pumping time
Cupcake: oooooooo how ab/the Dr, Tom & Benji? WIN!
Justin: I think it's been well established we all liked Tom. LMAO
Breann: I was thinking the same thing, J! LOL
Ann HATES the LA Kings: i think tom was only okay ;)
Jenni Lea Needs to be Punished: OMG I can't stop laughing! *reads some more*
Audrey: Tom was a farm boy in my head. Somehow, he had a Farmer Ted accent.
Lorix: He was totally a farm boy
Sunny: and he had the forearms to prove it...Benjamin’s gaze strayed to the thick veins on Tom’s forearms and he almost came in his pantaloons from the sight alone.
Justin: Pantaloons FTW!!
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I liked that Sunny - Benji was SO into the dudes and just hadn't figured it out yet
Audrey: !!!
SRAL: COLBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Breann: COLBY FTW!
Lorix: OMG - HE was.
Lorix: I can see that now.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: *rereads while picturing Colby as Tom*
Cupcake: Colby… *sigh*
Audrey: Only slightly-scruffy Colby, though.
Sunny: He reminded me of Vorgell
Audrey: Me too, Sunny!
Breann: Yes! He kind of did... you'
Breann: re rigyt
Breann: i can't type...
Sunny: Sweet, horny
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Awww Tom/Vorgell
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Tom had smoother moves though
Sunny: Yes, he did
Audrey: I liked when he said he had duties to attend to, but it's okay - I'm young. :D
Audrey: Why do you guys think Benji was falling ill, anyway?
Natasha LOVES butterflies: He did say he was getting over the flu
Lorix: Because he was a tosser
Cupcake: i think it was psychosomatic
Breann: because he ran out of sperm!
Justin: I think it was in his head
Sunny: psychosomatic maybe?
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I think he just stayed inside too much becuase he was too busy jerkin' it
Breann: i think it was in his head, too
Cupcake: since he healed after his first "treatment"
Audrey: Psychosomatic! I wouldn't even have remembered that word - we sound all professional, guys. ;)
Ann HATES the LA Kings: okay, did we already do favorite quotes? if not... ratings? :D (audrey will be so proud of me)
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Who are you and what have you done with Natasha?
Audrey: (so proud of you, Natasha! *handshakes firmly*)
Sunny: Okay, I think it WAS Tom's first time...“Do you want me to just push in?” rasped Tom.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Ditto Sunny's quote and all the other quotes
Audrey: I think we sprinkled some quotes earlier, but if there are any more, let's hear 'em!
Justin: B had all my quotes
Breann: I had them ready to copy & paste!
Sunny: "It was good that Tom wanted his comfort despite how depraved Benjamin was."
Breann: I was ready TWO months in a row.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Good job mama B!
Ann HATES the LA Kings: breann is on da baallll :D
SRAL: Oh man I suck. I have no fave quotes
Sunny: I have pages of quotes. I loved this story!
Breann: I could have done with more perv from the doc
Audrey: I loved this one: "It's not the best of quality, but with your help it might become prime porcelain," Benjamin said, never taking his hand off that tense stomach. Tom blinked and shook his head. "You are prime porcelain already. Compared to you, I'm a brick."
Cupcake: i liked that line too, audrey
Sunny: Did I already do this one? “Anything in the pursuit of health, doctor.”
SRAL: Oh that was a good line
Lorix: That was a good line. I think you guys have already added all the best quotes.
Audrey: I loved how gentle Tom was. Gentle yet confident.
Audrey: Yet deferring to his master.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: He totally dug on Benji, and not just his booty
Cupcake: like colby
Justin: Tom just wanted to ram it in
Sunny: lol, Justin
Ann HATES the LA Kings: he loved him for his brain
Natasha LOVES butterflies: Yes, that was it, his brain
Audrey: The doc part was just a little too squicky for me, though.
SRAL: I wished Dr. Tissot somehow made it a fuck sandwich.
Cupcake: "Tom was like a stallion ready to mount the mare." *nods*
Lorix: I totally do think the doc should have insisted on watching.
Natasha LOVES butterflies: I hope Benji moves to the country
Sunny: Tom WAS like a stallion :)
Sunny: In the next story, Lori
Lorix: See? - He likes to watch
Lorix: I knew it

Thanks for joining us for August's Happy Hour Chat. We hope you enjoyed the chat about this cute and crazy little story. Fare thee well, ladies and guv'nors! *curtsies and a tipped hat from the Stallion*

Editor's Note: This chat has been edited for length and clarity.


  1. I've read this two times now and totally confused! Enjoyable but confusing....