Review: That Time I... Survived My Teens by Craig Barker

The Saturday prior to starting this memoir, my ex-fiancé and I had two of his work friends over for an old-fashioned games night. And when I say “old-fashioned,” I’m talking about dice, cards, racking up your points on an abacus, etc. You know, the things people entertained themselves with before politicians blamed every violent fart that wafted their way on video games.

Stop doing that.

Anyway, seeing as I didn’t know who these people were and would’ve much rather spent the evening on the sofa with our dog, I was less than optimistic. If anything, the whole ordeal was going to be like sitting through a Christopher Nolan movie. Sure, I’d say I was having a great time to fit in, but in all honesty, I wouldn’t have a clue what was happening, and I’d probably need to take a nap midway through.

Hours before they arrived, just as I’d started to have those “what if I accidentally say something so obscenely offensive or mind-numbingly stupid, I’ll be haunted by the memory of it for years to come” thoughts, my ex ran down into the basement in which I dwell, his eyes frantic, and begged—

“Please don’t talk about choking on dicks when they get here.”

Come again?

“Please, Craig. That kind of talk makes them uncomfortable. Don’t do it.”

I felt a flurry of emotions in the picosecond it took for his words to register: amused, bemused, offended. It sounded like a joke, but his face was full of fear—a fear that I would be unequivocally crude to these complete strangers, and that my behavior would burn bridges he obviously wanted to keep erect (more on erections later).

That was when it hit me like a pair of loose-hanging nuts to the taint; a realization that I, Craig Thomas Barker, had a pattern of behavior that stretched across my life since adolescence—

I’m the person you get warned about before meeting. I’m the person that gets warned before going anywhere.

Like Carrie Bradshaw, “I couldn’t help but wonder” why that was. So, in order to understand who I am today, I decided to take a look at the years that shaped me. I spread my life out on the table, lubed it with the flare of artistic exaggeration, and went at it until I found my answer.

This isn’t so much a memoir as it is a gay’s journey to discover himself; don’t expect structure, coherency, or a thoroughly thought out narrative with a climactic closing paragraph that gives any of this dribble closure. I’m no one special, I’m not famous, and I don’t have much to say that hasn’t been said before, but I have lived a life, and all twenty-six years of that life has culminated in a single sentence—

“Please don’t talk about choking on dicks when they get here.”

This memoir explains why…
And it was cheaper than therapy.

I’ve been on a memoir kick for a bit and one thing I always struggle with is rating them. I mean, how do you give rating for someone’s actual real life moments? Luckily, this one is very readable, engaging, full of feels, and written in a casual way that is reminiscent of telling stories to my best friends… in between alcohol, drugs, sex, and all the other trigger warnings that are sprinkled throughout. That Time I… Survived My Teens is sad, soooo heartbreaking, and had me laughing as we follow the author, Craig Barker through his teenage years while getting a contact high and liver damage from reading about all his shenanigans.

My initial thoughts were that this would be a cheeky, fun, and lighthearted read about all the embarrassing moments that take place throughout the teenage years. WRONG. The bullying and homophobia Barker endured is disgusting and absolutely heartbreaking to read about. How can “teachers” turn the other way? Administrators? Friends? Adults? Who the fuck ever? Someone should have been able to step up and step their ass in to protect him. But nope… and holy shit was he terrorized. I hope you don’t let that dissuade you from reading this. I would imagine that reliving this was painful for him but finally telling his story to people that will actually listen might be therapeutic. Like lancing a wound and getting rid of the infection. I felt honored to share a fraction of this heartbreaking memoir and only wish I could have been his teacher so his path wouldn’t have been as broken.

Was Craig innocent and the picture of a perfect student, son, friend? Nope. Not even a little. He admits his pain-in-the-assery and selfish tendencies. Some reactions and actions are questionable but when you’re constantly backed into a corner/wall and the very people hired to care for and protect you only exacerbate the issues, it’s inevitable one would strike out at anyone and everyone.

Craig experienced a lot beginning at age 13 through high school and I’m glad I was able to read and feel his story, angst, anger, sadness, hopelessness, and moments of his escape. I’ll most definitely continue on this journey if he feels inclined to tell us more. Recommended.

Trigger- drugs, alcohol, mention of self-harm, bullying, homophobia, addiction, depression.

P.S. Fuck that school. Fuck the administrators and most especially Fuck the teachers. As educators we are hired to teach children not only academics but go alongside parents to model how to be good human beings and not tolerate this behavior. The assholes in this school (and any other school that allows bullying and homophobia to take place) clearly got into education for wrong reasons. On behalf of “mama/papa bear” educators who truly love their jobs and the students placed in our charges, I’m sorry. You are loved. You are valued. You are worth it just as you are.

Copy provided for honest review.

An ARC was provided in exchange for an honest review.

Review: Why We Fight (At First Sight #4) by T.J. Klune

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Corey Ellis sure doesn’t. Oh, everyone around him seems to have found their happy ending, but he’s far too busy to worry about such things. He’ll have plenty of time for romance after he survives his last summer before graduation. So what if he can’t get his former professor, Jeremy Olsen, out of his head? It’s just hero worship. And that’s the way it should stay.

Except that this summer, bigender Corey—aka Kori—is interning at Phoenix House, a LGBTQI youth center that recently hired an interim director. And because life is extraordinarily unfair, the director just so happens to be a certain former professor, now current boss.

Desperate to keep things professional as he and Jeremy grow closer, Corey makes a major mistake: he turns to his friends, Paul Auster and Sanford Stewart, for help.

But Paul and Sandy have some ideas of their own.

Set in the summer of 2016, Why We Fight is a celebration of queer life and being true to oneself… no matter the cost.

I couldn’t wait to read Corey/Kori’s story, and at the same time, I didn’t even want to start it because, like so many others, I don’t want the At First Sight series to end. But, like all good things, blah, blah, blah and here we are. Why We Fight is the perfect end.

The flavor of it is a little different than the rest of the series, but it has to be. It’s a little more serious and tackles the reality of 2016 because it has to. It’s Corey’s life and love story, but it’s also the story of the whole family as they mature and all their lives evolve. They evolve together though and while bits were terribly bittersweet, they were still full of hope and happiness. You’ll notice that I used the word “mature” there, you have to know that term is relative with regards to the Tucson crew.

There were still plenty of shenanigans to keep me laughing throughout and there’s really nothing better than family dinners at the Auster house. The extended family is growing by two as Charlie’s gentleman, Robert and his son Jeremy are welcomed, nay shanghaied, into the fold. I do love when lonely people find their homes in stories and when it’s a chosen home, the finding is that much sweeter. The characters are always so appreciative of what they have too, it just makes me feel good to read their interactions. The snark and sarcasm keep them real and hilarious and the balance, as always, is perfectly done.

I appreciated reading Corey’s distinct voice and perspective. He’s a bit more serious and jaded than Paul, Sandy, Vince and Darren, and it makes sense for him. He’s seen some shit and he’s lived a life where he depended on no one but himself. And then of course along came Sandy and he got the family he always deserved but never had. He’s about done with his Master’s and the changes coming for him are scary in a way he’s never had to worry about before. He didn’t have family, so leaving his foster parents was never a real emotional thing. But he has a family now, couples are pairing up, things are changing and his educational career is coming to an end. He’s at a bit of crossroad and I could feel how unsettled he was.

This is Corey’s happy ending though and when Jeremy, his hot professor shows up as the interim director of Phoenix House everyone but them knew what was coming. Their journey to their HEA was different than Paul and Vince or Sandy and Darren. I mean, obviously, but I mean it in the way that Corey and Jeremy are more mature, more worldly, so they kept the decorum for a good bit, because neither was willing to jeopardize what the other had going on professionally. Not that there weren’t some amazing moments that were the exact opposite of that, but overall, there was just a lot of respect between the two of them.

Being that Why We Fight is set in 2016, with the spectre of the Cheeto on the horizon, there were a lot of poignant moments that gave the issues that the LGBTQI community is now confronted with a personal face. It’s important to read, it’s important to listen and it’s important to learn from the stories told here. Charlie made me cry more than once and I’m getting all verklempt just thinking about him. The respect, friendship and love he is shown throughout the story really made this book for me.

While I’ve mostly reflected on the heavier side of Why We Fight, and I’ve only mentioned shenanigans in passing, you have to know there are some amazingly wonderfully stupid moments that are the hallmark of this series. There’s always so much great stuff that I’ve reread each book multiple times and discovered/remembered a moment every time. I’m going to do that with Why We Fight too. I think I was so moved by all the dynamics, that I know I have to go back and re-appreciate the interactions. They are too good not to read multiple times.

I’m so sad to see this series come to a close, but I loved how it ended. I’ve always felt invested in these characters and to see them all with their HEAs makes my heart happy.

**a copy of this story was provided for an honest review**

Review: Cinderella Boy by Kristina Meister

Being perfect isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Sixteen-year-old Declan is the perfect son . . . except for one tiny issue. When his sister Delia comes home to find him trying on her clothes, he fears her judgment, but she only fears his fashion choices. One quick makeover later, Declan is transformed into Delia’s mysterious cousin Layla and dragged to the party of the year, hosted by Carter, the most popular boy in school.

When Carter meets Layla, he fumbles to charm her. He adores her sense of humor and her poise. But when she vanishes in the middle of the night, he’s left confused and determined to solve the mystery of who she is.

As their school year begins, their high school embraces a policy of intolerance, and both Declan and Carter know they must stand up. Carter is tired of being a coward and wants to prove he can be a knight in shining armor. Declan is sick of being bullied and wants desperately to be himself. If they team up, it could be a fairy-tale ending, or a very unhappy ever after.

"You're never too young to see the potential for a lifetime."

I don't read a lot of YA but I was impressed by Cinderella Boy. I was drawn to it by the crossdressing element but this is so much more than a crossdressing book. Both Carter and Declan are wise beyond their years, insightful, perceptive and full of angst. They have angst about themselves, each other and general high school angst.

There were times when I thought their intellects exceeded their years but then I remembered the Parkland kids and how amazingly wise, brave, intelligent and well spoken they are, so in that regard Cinderella Boy is more of a zeitgeist, but in other ways their insecurities are much the same as any teen in any time which is what made them sympathetic and relatable.

Both Carter and Declan undergo significant changes which we get a front row seat to courtesy of dual perspectives. Over the course of their brief romantic relationship as "boyfriend and girlfriend" but moreso through their burgeoning friendship during the first semester of Carter's senior year they take on a bigoted principal and stand up for not only themselves but the entire student body all while growing closer and trying to figure out their feelings and what to do with them. When they stand up together amazing things happen not just for them but the entire community proving the point that when people with a modicum of power are determined, and these two are determined, change can happen.

"Silence never makes things better. It only ever leads to regret, regret leads to suffering, suffering leads to anger... and that is path to the dark side."

Sure, there is fear, trepidation and Star Wars quotes to bedevil them along the way but their love for each other outshines all else and at the end of the day these two make each other better. There's nothing I like more in my romance reads than couples who strengthen and bring out the best in each other. It also helped that I really liked some of the secondary characters many of whom played a vital role in the narrative.

Carter is so easy to like whereas Declan is prickly and insecure, but what I found touching about him was his struggle to try to identify his sexuality. He's definitely the most well developed and layered gender fluid character I've ever read and it made my heart ache that he kept trying to make himself fit into a category to satisfy the needs of others when in reality he's just Dex. What warmed my heart was how much Carter got that. He loves Dex for Dex whether he's a boy in geek chic or a girl in a dress. Dex is his person and that's what made this a memorable and satisfying read.

Recommend to YA and angst fans.

An ARC was provided by NetGalley.

Review: Sound of Silence by Mia Kerick and Raine O'Tierney

High school senior Renzy Callen hasn’t uttered a word in years. He likes being invisible to all around him; it keeps life safe and predictable. In his attic bedroom, he experiences a world far from the drama of his family. He doodles, listens to music, and contemplates the troubled souls he observes when attending self-help meetings designed for people with problems he doesn’t have. Renzy lives his life like a spectator, always on the outside of life’s games, looking in at others.
Everything changes when Seven and Morning Moreau-Maddox relocate from their glitzy lives in Paris to boring, picturesque Redcliff Hills, Missouri. Tall, platinum blond, and as put-together as a pair of European high-fashion models, the sophisticated siblings befriend Renzy, drawing him in and then pushing him away. What starts as nothing more than a means to an end for Seven, however, quickly becomes something more. Could icy-hearted Seven be thawing for the silent, quirky charm of Renzy Callen?
Determined to find the cause of Renzy’s selective mutism, the three teens set off on a road trip, during which they discover that flawless physical facades can conceal the most scarred souls, and that sometimes silence is better than golden.

We're 23 days into 2018 and I've found my first contender for favourite read of the year. Not bad huh!

Before I start the review though, I need to get something off my chest...

Beemer

Beemer

BEEMER.

Cheers, folks, thanks for letting me do that. The only thing I didn't like in this book, well, apart from the things I wasn't supposed to like, was the fact the MC called his BMW a Bimmer, - it's a Beemer. B EE M ER. Okay, I know this is merely a pronunciation difference from two different English speaking people, but...

Well, it's the only complaint I have so I can mention it, right?

Other than that shockingly jarring mispronunciation (insert winky face here) I ADORED this story!

I loved Renzy, Seven and Morning. I loved how the authors approached the topic of Renzy's mutism. I loved how they highlighted different types of abuse and neglect without it feeling like a crusade. I loved the writing style - so easy to read and lose myself in. I just loved this story.

There is a mystery element to it; a journey, I guess, as Seven drives the trio into uncovering why Renzy lost his voice. Yes, it's in part a physical journey - road trip, anyone? - but it's also a metaphorical one. One that leaves all three MC's questioning themselves. One that leaves them pushing and pulling and searching within for answers.

At first glance it seems Renzy is the one who has the biggest hurdles to overcome, the one whose life needs the most "fixing". Morning, too, has a very obvious issue to deal with... despite this, in some ways it is brash, no fucks to give Seven who is perhaps the most in need. He refuses to let anyone see his vulnerabilities, including himself. 

"Renzy is trying to take care of me when caretaking is my job."

His journey is internal and calls for self acceptance - something both Renzy and Morning have, despite the difficulties they are both dealing with.

The romance between Renzy and Seven was inevitable - and beautiful. Renzy, in his silence, taught Seven a whole new way to view the world. 

"There are many ways to say the sky is a beautiful shade of blue."

He may have been the inexperienced one, but in many ways he was also the teacher. The spark and dynamics between them was compelling; it drew me in and charmed me. I loved them together, I loved the relationship between all three characters and the romance that burgeoned between these two was the icing on the cake.

This really has been a gorgeously enjoyable book that I found hard to put down.

A copy of this book was given in exchange for an honest review.