Review: What We May Be by Layla Reyne

 

What we were… 

Sean found love once, with his college roommate, Trevor, and Trevor’s best friend, Charlotte. The missing piece, Sean made it possible for Trevor and Charlotte to find love too. But then Sean left and took the love with him. 

What we are… 

Now an FBI agent, Sean is back in town, ten years later, to investigate a murder. A case that pits him against his ex-lovers—Charlotte, a local detective, and Trevor, a literature professor sucked into the Shakespearean mystery. Everyone guards their hearts, but before long, desire sparks anew the feelings that burned hot a decade ago. That still burn true. 

What we may be… 

Love is within their grasp again, but as the killer escalates, it’s more than just their hearts and futures on the line. Sean, Charlotte, and Trevor will need to work together to solve the case. If they can’t, lives will be lost and pieces of their love gone for good.

Layla Reyne dangled MMF in front of me and I couldn't resist. Truthfully, I didn't want to. Have you seen that cover?

Let's take a moment to appreciate the pretty.

Anyhoo, hot cover that is surprisingly representative of Charlie, Sean and Trevor aside, this was a good second chance romantic suspense thriller. I think the second chance was a smart choice on the author's part because it automatically builds a backstory which allowed more of the focus to be on the mystery/thriller aspects of this story.

So, that's warning one for the hardcore romancers out there: it's a romantic suspense and the romance is definitely in the sidecar not the driver's seat.

Charlie and Trevor have been licking their wounds since Sean basically vanished a decade ago shortly after asking them to marry him. Of course there was a reason but nonetheless lives were altered, feelings were hurt, there's amends to be made and when circumstances dictate he return to their small town in North Carolina he does so with hat and heart in hand thus the stage is set for a reunion.

Except for the pesky serial killer that's lurking around and seems to have an axe to grind. Even though I was fairly certain I knew who the killer was I continued to be engrossed in the storyline until the end.

What I liked most about this story were the characters and the fact that even though Charlie, Trevor and Sean's relationship is/was an unconventional one, everyone in town seems to be genuinely rooting for them to reunite and make it work. That was an unexpected but pleasant surprise.

I'm not 100% certain but I believe some of these characters may appear in other books however, I had no trouble following this story. So if you're looking for an engrossing romantic suspense featuring a second chance triad give What We May Be a try.

An ARC was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Review: Date Me, Bryson Keller by Kevin van Whye

What If It's Us meets To All the Boys I've Loved Before in this upbeat and heartfelt boy-meets-boy romance that feels like a modern twist on a '90s rom-com!

Everyone knows about the dare: Each week, Bryson Keller must date someone new--the first person to ask him out on Monday morning. Few think Bryson can do it. He may be the king of Fairvale Academy, but he's never really dated before.

Until a boy asks him out, and everything changes.

Kai Sheridan didn't expect Bryson to say yes. So when Bryson agrees to secretly go out with him, Kai is thrown for a loop. But as the days go by, he discovers there's more to Bryson beneath the surface, and dating him begins to feel less like an act and more like the real thing. Kai knows how the story of a gay boy liking someone straight ends. With his heart on the line, he's awkwardly trying to navigate senior year at school, at home, and in the closet, all while grappling with the fact that this "relationship" will last only five days. After all, Bryson Keller is popular, good-looking, and straight . . . right?

Kevin van Whye delivers an uplifting and poignant coming-out love story that will have readers rooting for these two teens to share their hearts with the world--and with each other.

Where's the com in this romcom?

I was waiting for it. I wanted it. But not one chuckle did I have.

Ironic since this story bursting at the seams with social justice issues one of which being how queer kids never get the romcoms, HEAs and the like, instead being relegated to the funny friend or killed off. So I was surprised that not only was Date Me, Bryson Keller not funny but Kai, our protagonist, was put through the gauntlet.

Don't get me wrong the relationship between Bryson and Kai is sweet and romantic which I enjoyed and kept me engaged but (a) I wish it was more the focal point and (b) every time I turned around Kai was being subjected to yet another awful event in his short life.

Kai is the narrator and, though his narration is a bit choppy and oddly formal for a 17 yr old initially, he is likable which integral to this story. He's tenderhearted, loves his friends and family, is awkward in that adorable, blushing way and is terrified of being rejected once he comes out. Bryson is king of the school who was dared into "dating" anyone who asks him out on Monday for one week. Though we don't get his perspective it's clear he's kind, generous, honest, loyal and incapable of artifice. I liked him a lot. I also loved the secondary characters: Priya, Donny and Kai's amazing and possibly preternatural sister, Yazz.

Where the quibbles arose for me is... probably my annoyingly erratic inability to suspend disbelief. So the location of this story which is (as far as I can deduce) about 15-20 minutes outside Los Angeles in contemporary times. They attend a prestigious private academy wherein all the students are vying for spots at places like Stanford. California is arguably one of the most liberal and open-minded states in the union and these students are the new generation so the notion that the vast majority of the student body would not only be homophobic but viciously so was a bit hard to swallow in California. Maybe Alabama or Idaho but Cali? Big city, intelligentsia Cali????

I also found it far-fetched that Kai's parents didn't have an idea whatsoever given all the telltale signs pointing to his sexuality.

However, what I did appreciate about this story was the differing trajectories of Kai and Bryson coming to grips with their sexualities; the bit about there being no right way to get to the destination I thought an important one.

And did I mention how sweet they are? They are cute together so much so I wouldn't be averse to catching up with them in the future.

Even though Date Me, Bryson Keller wasn't perfect I did enjoy the journey and will be on the lookout for this author's sophomore offering.


Triggers: homophobia, violence

An ARC was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Review: A Scarcity of Condors (Venery #3) by Suanne Laqueur

Juleón "Jude" Tholet has survival in his DNA. His father, Cleon, lived through imprisonment and torture during Pinochet's military coup in Chile. His mother, Penny, risked everything to gain her husband's freedom and flee the country with their newborn son. But as a closeted gay teenager growing up in Vancouver, Jude is targeted by a neighborhood bully called El Cóndor, culminating in a vicious hate crime that forces the Tholets to flee their country again.

Jude cautiously rebuilds his life in Seattle, becoming an accomplished pianist, but his his wings have been clipped and he cannot seem to soar in his relationships. Only family remains a constant source of strength and joy, until a DNA test reveals something that shocks all the Tholets: Jude is not their child.

Stunned by the test results, the Tholets must dig into their painful past, re-examine their lives in 1973 Santiago and the events surrounding Jude's birth story. It’s a tale rooted in South America’s Operation Condor. It spreads through Pinochet’s terrifying regime of detention camps, torture, disappeared civilians and stolen children. The journey forces Penny Tholet to confront the gaps in her memory while Cleon must re-live an ordeal he’s long kept hidden away in a secret world. The tale ends with Jude digging through his genetic code in a quest to find his biological parents. Are they alive?

Or are they among Los Desaparecidos—the Disappeared Ones? Suanne Laqueur’s third book in the Venery series explores the desperate acts of love made in times of war, and the many ways family can be defined.

Disclaimer: I'm not going to be able to do this book justice with this review.

I went in warily since reviews were mixed and my own past experiences with this author have been uneven. To be perfectly frank, Ms. Laqueur has a penchant for penning painful books that tend to wring me out emotionally so I've learned to gird my loins. Her writing is some of the best there is, lyrical at times and evocative to the very end.

Why are these women here dancing on their own?

Why is there this sadness in their eyes?

Why are the soldiers here

Their faces fixed like stone?

I can't see what it is they despise

Dancing with the missing

They're dancing with the dead

They dance with the invisible ones

Their anguish is unsaid

They're dancing with their fathers

They're dancing with their sons

Dancing with their husbands

They dance alone

They dance alone

A Scarcity of Condors was no different than the previous two books in this series in that regard but this one carved out a special place in my heart and maybe, just maybe, turned me into a fan. No one was more surprised by this development than I since not only is this not a romance but it also delves deep into a very painful period in Chile's history filled with rape, genocide and unimaginable tortures during the reign of Pinochet.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I found myself not just engrossed, not just unable to put it down but moved to tears more than once usually over fairly innocuous exchanges between the characters.

These characters are exceptionally crafted and without that the whole thing would've fallen apart. The Tholets share the spotlight in A Scarcity of Condors. Penny and Cleón, the matriarch and patriarch of the family survived Operation Condor and fled to Canada with Jude in 1973 only to see their first born, Jude, survive a vile act of homophobia in high school forcing the Tholets to flee yet again to the U.S.

The narrative bounces around in time explaining their collective pasts, stirring into the mix the delightful and unflappable Serena Tholet, sister extraordinaire, as well as Tej Khoury. Tej is audacious and irresistible. He and Jude crash into each other and choose to stay crushed. Their chemistry is undeniable and I enjoyed their angst-free, genuine and heartfelt evolution from first-time into forever.

So there are romantic elements but by and large A Scarcity of Condors is a tour de force ensemble fiction that not only kicks over the rocks of humanity to examine the ugly underbelly but obliterates them. Ms. Laqueur rarely shies away from the darkness that exists in the human psyche but here she deftly paired it, again and again, with the triumphs over said darkness especially through reliance on family, however that may be defined or redefined, as it were.

One day we'll dance on their graves

One day we'll sing our freedom

One day we'll laugh in our joy

And we'll dance

One day we'll dance on their graves

One day we'll sing our freedom

One day we'll laugh in our joy

And we'll dance

~Sting

The Tholets were woven into the Venery thread seamlessly, like they'd been there all along and that too touched me. I'm even hopeful there will be another book forthcoming in this series. Technically this book could probably be read as a stand-alone but I don't think it will resonate as much without having read the previous two but especially An Exaltation of Larks, where the Pinochet storyline was introduced. In many ways, this seems like a venerable love letter to Chileans, particularly those that were disappeared.

If you're looking for a read that will dig its claws into you and not let go, look no further.

A copy was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Review: Watch Point by Cecilia Tan

Eric Sakai-Johnson joined the Navy SEALs to protect his country and the people he loves. After discharge, he finds himself relegated to protecting big pharma billionaire Aiden Milford from assassination attempts and kidnapping. Until Aiden reneges on a promise, fires Eric, and lets Eric’s mother die with millions of dollars in medical debt.

Now Eric is the kidnapper. Snatching Aiden’s twenty-two-year-old son, Chase, for a multi-million-dollar ransom is the only way to get justice. It’s time for Aiden to learn what it’s like when someone you love is at the mercy of forces beyond your control. Eric has it all planned out. The one thing he didn’t plan for is the intense erotic spark between him and Chase.

Chase has been chafing under his father’s autocratic control. A gay hookup app has been his only ticket to rebellion—to clandestine moments of freedom, excitement, and danger. Now it’s his ticket to a deep connection and amazing sex with his “captor.” On the rocky island where they’re sequestered, Chase finds Eric to be everything he wants in a man: quiet, strong, capable, and honorable . . . until he finds out he’s been captured for real.

In news that will shock exactly no one, I skimmed the blurb. I checked the tags and saw: dubious consent, BDSM, military, enemies to lovers and hate sex and...

REQUEST!
REEEEEEQUEST!!!
REEEQQQQQQUUUUUEEEESSSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost immediately things went sideways, though. Most of those tags (IMO) should come with a "lite" disclaimer.

Check it. These two arrange to hook up through an app. Meet at a motel. Hit The Bone Zone right quick then the next thing I know Eric is sedating Chase while he's bound and asleep then takes him to another motel. I'm rubbing my hands together at the bad wrong at this point. Then the next thing I know Chase wakes up and is all, "I have to piss".

Wait, wut? *frantically flips pages back* *rereads* *finds zippity do da*

Come to find out, these two jokers arranged for some sort of capture fantasy hookup that Chase agreed to!

That's a good way to get your ass shot full o'holes, buddy. You ain't supposed to be complicit in the bad wrong! That inherently makes it less bad wrong.

NOT that I went into this expecting it to be realistic, because dub-con, but...

There is a slight caveat, but still.

All the people who do not do dub or non-con, this is the dub-con for you. This might be the fluffiest dub-con I've ever read. These two wend up on a tiny, uninhabited island in Maine (see above gif. again.) and settle into some sort of strange trainer/recruit routine that involves teaching survivalism, ramen and Dinty Moore dinners and whale watching?

My interest waned, then waned further when the "heavy kink" that was promised seemed to evaporate in the pink fluffy sex magik cloud. They like it rough(ish) but they more dance with kink than actually engage in it. That toy bag Chase brought along hardly gets touched. *pouts* It's very superficial with the "sirs" and "boys", a little D/s, some bondage, cock choking/breath play, some "force" play, but they mostly like to punch their tickets to Pound Town and are cum junkies. The sex is same same and not super titillating. I'm not even going to touch on why neither of these two thought having a safeword might be a good idea.

The whole guise of Eric pretending to have "captured" Chase when in actuality he's ransoming him for the cost of his deceased mother's medical bills is the fly in the ointment and begins to weigh on him once he realizes that he's falling for Chase. The trouble for me was twofold: (a) I wanted actual dub-con. If I'm led to believe there's going to be bad wrong then I want bad wrong to happen. Eric, it turns out, is more of a cupcake than I. (b) The "love" is rushed. I wouldn't categorize it as instalove but it's instalove adjacent. They spend a lot of time together, but there's no real relationship building, nothing substantive at least. Nothing that got my emotions involved. 

The resolution to all the "kidnapping" pegged my fluff-o-meter. I think the glass on it even cracked. What draws me to non/dub con is the redemption factor. The notion that someone capable of bad wrong, even heinous acts, can gain insight, accept the error of their ways and attempt to make amends appeals to me, but that got swept away in the fluff cloud.

HEA? HFN? Probably best to ask someone less cynical than I, though presumably, I'm to believe they're well on their way to forever-n-ever probably with some cute animated animals nipping at their heels too.

There is one definitely non-con scene (not between the MCs) that, honestly, didn't make sense to me; it seemed wholly incongruous to that character. I couldn't stop myself from thinking it an extra dose of craycraybenaynay in an already melodramatic conclusion.

So why not 1 heart?

The author obviously did some research on survival techniques and SEAL training and even though I think that focus would've been better spent on relationship development, I still respect the research.

Eric tells the whole story and his backstory is fairly well developed regarding his motivations. His flashbacks of his time with the SEALs and his relationship with his fire team confused me a bit, particularly with regard to consent, but truth be told, I'd read the stuffing out of that story. It sorta skirted the bad wrong line and what we got was hoooooooooooottttttttttt!!!

Lastly, 20% of the proceeds of this book go to the Russian LGBT Network. That's deserving of a star in and of itself.

Recommend to fluffsters.

A review copy was provided by NetGalley.

Review: Suspicious Behavior (Bad Behavior, #2) by L.A. Witt & Cari Z.

Detective Darren Corliss is hanging by a thread. In between recovering from a near-fatal wound and returning to work at a hostile precinct, he’s struggling to help care for his ailing brother. His partner and boyfriend, Detective Andreas Ruffner, wants to help, but doesn’t know how. And with his own family crises brewing, Andreas is spread almost as thin as Darren.

For cops, though, life takes a backseat to the job. When a stack of unsolved homicides drops into their laps, Andreas and Darren think they’re unrelated cold cases. But when a connection surfaces, they find themselves on the tail of a prolific serial killer who’s about to strike again.

Except they’ve got nothing. No leads. No suspects. Just a pile of circumstantial evidence and a whole lot of hunches. Time is running out to stop the next murder—and to pull themselves back from their breaking points.

Suspicious Behavior picks up shortly after where Risky Behavior left off. Technically this could be read as a standalone but I would not recommend it since most of Darren and Andreas' relationship development and backstory took place in the first one. That's not to say they're at a standstill here but they are solidly a couple and while there are touching moments between the two the primary plotline is finding a serial killer who's been on the loose for an extended period of time.

This is in my wheelhouse. And I gobbled it up.

I affectionately refer to this kind of read as a popcorn read. It's heavy on the investigative side of finding a serial killer e.g. gathering evidence, finding patterns, following intuition, the two of them working together to piece together the evidence they were given from another precinct and trying to make it stick to their guy. The nitty gritty as it were. I thought the case was well crafted, it held my attention with some nice twists and turns and I found the pattern clever. It also highlighted each of their strengths and how much they compliment one another.

They are still persona non grata in this city due to the events of Risky Behavior. Another reason why I wouldn't recommend this as a standalone. Some of these asshats need lessons in how not to be a child masquerading around in an adult's body. Seriously? Busting taillights? *eye roll* As much as these antics annoyed me I have a feeling they're probably closer to reality than not.

The storyline involving Asher continues to be heartbreaking and takes up a significant part of the narrative. It shows the ripple effect of this illness and how it impacts not just Darren but Andreas too.

So with all of the above going on coupled with the fact that Darren is still recuperating from his injuries the sexy times are pretty much nil. What did happen, though, was a strengthening of their bond. There are several poignant quiet moments that showcased their connection. They spend every night together regardless of other obligations or the lateness of the hour and both are cuddlers which I found to be an unexpected dollop of cuteness from hardass Andreas.

There is no cliffhanger with the case though there is still a big looming question hanging over Darren and Andreas that hopefully will get answered in the next book and won't cause my face to leak.

I'm still loving this series and what these two authors are accomplishing with it. Both these characters are well developed and they've added some great secondary characters that helped push the narrative forward.

If you're a thriller fan you'll likely enjoy Suspicious Behavior too.

An ARC was provided by NetGalley.

Review: The Handy Men by Jamie K. Schmidt

Jack and Dean love each other, but they’re missing the woman to complete their triangle. When newly divorced Paige Richards buys a Bed and Breakfast on Hamlet Island and employs them to help her fix the inn up, Jack and Dean are sure they’ve found the one they’ve been looking for. Despite the playful, sexy clues they drop, luscious Paige is reticent about getting involved, even when they set the stage so she can stumble on them in action. They can tell by her responses she wants to join them, but rumors travel fast on the small island, and tales of a threesome could get back to the conservative, family vacation crowd who won’t patronize those with an alternative lifestyle. And the last thing they want for Paige is the B&B’s rooms…and her bank account…to remain empty. But Jack and Dean will stop at nothing to prove to Paige that she can have it all…with them.

After much angst over how to rate and/or review this book I've landed on 2 Hearts because I was EN-TER-TAINED! I'm not sure if the author intended this to be bawdy but it was to me.

It's a safe bet that there will be spoilage ahead.

Ever watch bad porn? It starts off fair to middling then the "actors" try to start "acting" and maybe even the director gets in on the thing and tries to throw a plot off in there and you don't know what to do with yourself? Should you stay and see this thing through or say fuck this noise and tap out?

Well, I stayed. I couldn't stop myself. I blame General Hospital for this character deficit.

Paige is a recent divorcee and is part drama queen divided by crazy train who meets her match in tweedledee and tweedledum a.k.a. Jack and Dean. This thing between them has been brewing for almost a year with her being clueless to all their not at all subtle come-ons including staging a boning sesh in a beach pavilion when they knew she'd be walking by. From the time they get together to the end is maybe a month and it escalates quickly, as these things tend to do. The instalove is strong with this one.

Let me just say I had NO idea that the buying, trading and selling of fictional properties with the possibility of bankrupty looming at the roll of the dice known as Monopoly could lead to burying one's face inside another's vagina. Might I say ouch and way to think outside the just a board game box.

The sex these people have laughs in the face of human capacity with everlasting orgasms, exploding and monster magic peens that spring up like they were on a clapper. Rebound time. Schmebound time.

"I'm going to fuck you as soon as you drench his face."

All of which is to be expected in porn but then the soap opera began. Jack and Dean have an ex-girlfriend who was apparently banging other dudes while they were together which somehow Jack knew but Dean didn't. *squints* She then decided she didn't want to be "that girl" which apparently translates into being in a triad rather than banging a bunch of randoms so Stephanie (ex) ultimatumed Dean with a marriage proposal that would've second stringed Jack in public and Jack's feels are still hurt. Dean put the kibosh on that deal with a quickness and promptly turned around and married Jack. Well, guess who's back in town with a kid no less?

She sails a foursome sitch past Paige and Paige whips out the martyr card to Dean and Jack when Jack's all welllll mebbe? *cue more dramatics* Much tears. Hasty break up due to butthurtedness. Deliberate obtuseness. Complete balderdash.

"Stephanie makes my dick hard." 

Dean sighed. 

"But she doesn't touch my heart. Paige is my choice. Now and forever. If Brendon is ours, we'll make sure Paige knows that while Stephanie is the mother of our child, she'll never be our wife. Paige is the only wife for us."

The struggle to contain my laughter was real. 

I haven't even mentioned Paige's rents, her ex or how this seemingly idyllic isle is actually Stepford. Her parents floated her 60K so she could open the B&B with a clause that basically says if they don't like anything she does with it or if she doesn't repay the 60K within her first year of business then they can take it away from her. Like, what's even the point of that? The plot thickens when Paige gets a bee in her bonnet, "moves some money around" and repays her parents within her first week of opening!

How...? What even?

The drama continues as Fred, her ex, keeps turning up in her life seemingly trying to make inroads back to her despite the fact that he's now engaged to Barbie, the woman he left her for and, for the record, Paige caught him with at the Waldorf while Paige was sporting a French maid outfit underneath her trench. BURN!!!!! Inexplicably he's still SUPER tight with her parents, makes the trek out to the isle with them for the grand opening and wants to rent out the B&B for his wedding! *cackles*

I've no clue how old these dudes are but they are cliched good boy/bad boy archtypes. Jack is the bad boy with tattoos and a penchant for some bedroom bossiness and a mouth that should be duct taped.

"Let's just ask her outright. Do you want to fuck or not?"

"...We'll treat her like a queen."
"Fuck her like porn stars." Jack mimicked bending her over and fucking her from behind.

"My cock," Jack mouthed and then pointed to his crotch with two thumbs up.

Dean smacked him.

"And yours," Jack mouthed and pointed.

Dean is the "good" one that's clean-cut, reliable, steady and your basic snoozefest. But she loves them both with all her heart. Well, half her heart. Since two dudes. And an illegitimate bébé.

If you like a soap, there was never a dull moment. 

A copy was provided by NetGalley.

Review: The Silksmith's Girl by Reece Pine

Bearded woman Rudolph joined the circus to find a wealthy husband. The star attraction, the lofty silksmith, shares his caravan and his bed with her while he helps her to arrange marriage meetings in the towns they visit. But as she meets and rejects each suitor, Rudolph realizes the only person she really wants is the silksmith himself…

Where to start... well, let's start at the beginning. I chose this book for three reasons: (1) I've been trying to broaden my QUILTBAG horizons beyond the B, G, Q and T and this story has an intersex character; (2) the LT3P website listed bondage in the content notes. How am I to resist bondage? I'm not made of stone!; (3) the cover. That cover is sexy.

Within the first chapter I knew. Even though it's only six chapters these were the longest six chapters I've muddled through in recent memory.

My primary issue is the writing style. It's showy, ostentatious and hard to follow. Example:

Just as he had commanded attention during his act, he stole the center of gravity in the room from me, at once an older more illustrious star illuminating the belt of homely detritus scattered around us.

I mean, YAY for Pine for being master and commander of the English language but what? There is purple and there's... whatever exceeds purple. Sentences filled with metaphors, some of which were, admittedly, really beautifully crafted, but is it necessary for every sentence to be a quarter of a mile long and riddled with metaphors? Purple done well and with a purpose I can do, but this? Apparently, I've found my purple limit. 

There's an odd juxtaposition between the grandiose writing style and the dialogue, like going from champagne to Schlitz. It's jarring especially when considering we're supposedly reading this from Rudolph's first person perspective. Why does she think like Margaret Thatcher yet talk like Eliza Doolittle? 

Cheers to that.

All the flowery words and ambiguous prose got in the way of this story, IMO. Though without them and the numerous sex scenes this novella would've been more along the lines of a pamphlet. So, there is that. There's little relationship or character development and the plot itself is dull. My inability to understand what motivates these characters, understand their connection or understand their actions precluded me from connecting to them.

The gist is Rudolph is intersex with a beard and insists she's a "girl". Not a lady or a woman, a girl. Why she finds the differentiation necessary IDK. Of course, she joins the carnival with the primary objective of finding a suitable husband. How the two are related continues to elude me. She almost immediately meets, and is swooning over, the silksmith. We never learn his name which shouldn't have surprised me since we didn't learn Rudolph's name until the mid-thirtieth percentile range. IDK if it's a D/s thing or he refuses to tell her or if he just keeps forgetting or if it's an attempt to foster intrigue. I just don't know.

The silksmith's fondness for endearments... *sigh* I like and endearment as much as the next person but most have the one go-to endearment for their beloved. I'm not sure if he feels like one endearment is for quitters or if there's some sort of memory issue at play because he calls her poppy and puffin and poinsettia and pumpkin and Christ, I can't remember them all. Why do they all start with 'P'? WHHHHYYYYY??????? Is there some sort of significance? 

I'm assuming this a historical novella, but yet again, I'm not sure because there's nothing to indicate when or where it takes place. Considering the content and descriptions of this circus it could be historical or AU. Who the fuck knows? And at this point, I have zero fucks to give. I am T-I-R-E-D.

There is a significant amount of sex and not a lot of bondage. Figures. And guess what? There were some seriously awkward descriptors of the sexy times. I mean, to each their own but... ewww. Since when is the word "chew" sexy? I could go on but... on second thought, no. No, I really can't.

The cherry on top of this awkward AF sundae was the ending. It was strange and slightly depressing. Of course it was.

I truly feel like a bitch in a china shop writing a bomb review on the release day of a new author, but truly nothing worked for me. I won't deny that Pine can turn a phrase, but I felt like I needed a magic decoder ring to understand this novella's vague and muzzy prose and that more than anything else frustrated me. 

I can't recommend this novella nor can I envision reading something else from this author in the future.

An ARC was provided by NetGalley.

Review: The Pirate of Fathoms Deep (Tales of the High Court #2) by Megan Derr

High Commander Lesto Arseni is the most feared man in the Harken Empire. None but the High King dares risk his wrath—and a pirate who once punched him in the middle of the imperial pavilion. A pirate who later snuck away with Lesto to an empty room, touched him in ways far more memorable. And then immediately bolted like a man who'd gotten what he wanted.

Shemal just wants to live a normal life, leave his pirating days behind him and prove that he's respectable now. The last thing he needs is the two idiots who show up wanting his help with the noble they've kidnapped—the very man Shemal had been hoping to prove himself to, the man he hasn't forgotten since Shemal punched him a year and a half ago.

High Commander Lesto Arseni is the second most powerful man in the empire, right after the king. The only person who’s ever defied him was a pirate who punched him in the middle of the court, and then later screwed him in a spare room, before disappearing. For over a year, that pirate has captivated Lesto. When an unfortunate turn of events lands him right at the pirate’s doorstep, Lesto knows he’s not going to let the man slip away from him so easily a second time.

Shemal gave of up pirating, and committed to living a regular law-abiding life. He gave up pirating because he was tired of living as an outlaw, but in the back of his mind he can’t help but wonder whether the High Commander would approve. After they’re thrown back together, Shemal has a chance to win Lesto. But their very different backgrounds, a political crisis, and jealous courtiers stand between their happiness.

When I read a fantasy book by Megan Derr, I know that I’m in for a captivating treat. ‘The Pirate of Fathoms Deep’ was no different. The author did an excellent job with the world-building, making it easy to imagine the different lands that Lesto and Shemal travel through, and the society they live in. I haven’t read the preceding book, but this book works perfectly fine as a standalone.

Lesto and Shemal’s relationship is totally insta-love. They spend a few minutes together to have a quickie, and then spend the following months pining for each other. When they’re reunited, not only do they want to have another go in the bedroom, but the two also can’t stop themselves from thinking about a future together.

Ordinarily, I’m not a fan of insta-love, unless the story revolves around mates or fated loves. But if an author can convince me that the two MCs truly belong together, I’m all on board with the quick jump to love. Shemal and Lesto clearly belong together, and their connection felt genuine, even if it was made in such a short span of time.

I enjoyed the dynamic between the two MCs. Lesto might be one of the most powerful men in the empire, but he likes to give up control and be taken care of behind closed doors. Shemal, though he doubts his place in Lesto’s grand life, realizes this early on and tries to be what Lesto needs.

The two MCs are opposites in many ways, and balance each other out. I liked seeing Lesto lighten up around Shemal. And I loved seeing Shemal slowly realize that he deserves Lesto and happiness, no matter their vastly different backgrounds.

The mystery plot was engaging, though more of a side-story. I liked the political intrigue, and how Shemal and Lesto centered in it. The dramatic conclusion was a bit predictable, though I still liked it.

If you’re looking for some fun and romantic fantasy MM with an entertaining mystery on the side, I’d recommend this book!

A copy was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Find out more on Goodreads.

Tag Team Review: Lovers Leap by J.L. Merrow

If they looked, would they ever leap?

Good-looking, confident, and doted on by his widowed mum, Michael is used to thinking only of himself. Getting shoved off an Isle of Wight pier by an exasperated ex ought to come as a wake-up call—but then he meets Rufus and he’s right back to letting the little head take charge. Rufus is cute, keen, and gets under Michael’s skin in a disturbing way.

Would-be chef Rufus can’t believe his luck when a dripping wet dream of a man walks out of the sea on his birthday, especially when Michael ends up staying at the family B&B. Life is perfect—at least until Michael has to go home to the mainland.

Rufus can’t leave the island for reasons he’s entirely neglected to mention. And though Michael identifies as bi, breaking his mum’s heart by coming out and having an actual relationship with a guy has never been his plan. With both men determined to keep their secrets, a leap of faith could land them in deep water.


A Tag Team Review for J.L. Merrow's Lovers Leap by Sheziss and Cupcake

Contains SPOILERS

Guest Reviewer: Sheziss

***DNF 62%***

***Why I suffered here: spoilerish review***

This is too ridiculous to be taken seriously.

When I was 16 I went with the class to see a theatre play in English. It was The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde. The play was good enough, and I liked the leading actor a lot. But in one moment of the play a character told a joke and the rest laughed. And then awkward silence from the public. Until one of my mates from the first row said: “Humor inglés”, and THAT’S when we ALL laughed.

Because the joke was stupid.

Not because it was British.

Oscar Wilde’s irony is the best.

But this? This is a mussel abortion.

I could definitely not find the normal here.

And by normal, I mean common sense.

The MCs truly deserve each other.

They only have 3 neurons: one begins in the left ear, another one begins in the right ear, they find each other somewhere in the middle of the empty head and that’s where a third one connects them both directly to the groin.

There is no other explanation for this nonsense.

I felt like an idiot reading this.

It’s not a feeling I would want to share with you.

Michael is an asshole. Egocentric, arrogant, selfish, disgusting and disrespectful. His jokes are out of place. His comments are offensive. Everything he says or does rubs me the wrong way with almost no exception. Not even clumsiness excuses him, because he has no conscience and no ability to put himself in another person’s shoes. 0% empathy.

Saying “you can suck me” or objectifying your partner in such a rude way is not sexy at all. Nobody says you have to give flowers and hearts to all your dates but there is class and then there is class.

His dick thinks for him.

Oh man, that sucks. Now what do we do with you?

Oh, right.

So you may think I was pleased when his girlfriend pushes him from the pier and he falls into the sea in February. Error. This crude attempt to make us feel sympathy for him and get the sense that “he got what he deserved” didn’t fool me. I saw it for what it was, a stupid action from a stupid girl who fucked a stupid guy for a stupid reason. He was there for fun and the girl having dreams with him when he obviously had demonstrated he only wanted the fun and nothing else doesn’t make him guilty. Even when he’s a dick. It was so preposterous I couldn’t believe my eyes when I was reading this scene.

That’s when Michael gets to the beach and Rufus has a vision of Neptune coming out of the sea James Bond-like. And he thinks that’s the best that could ever happen to him. Are you for real? This is so ridiculous and frivolous I almost can’t bear it.

So they go to Rufus’s place to give Michael some clothes and warm him up. No, this is not the porn movie you were watching yesterday, although it may ring a bell. So of course that leads to some sex with Michael’s gems coming out of his mouth (he should shut up, he’s prettier that way) and me myself pulling my eyes out with a fork in the room next door. But the climactic moment came when Michael writes his phone number on Rufus’s forehead with a permanent marker.

That was. Epic.

So what does Rufus do?

Look at him with enamored eyes.

No, I’m not kidding here.

He stares at him as if he was the best man in the universe.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Hilarious.

Even though he’s getting out of the door in that exact minute.

I personally believe “humiliating” is the word you are looking for for this mindfuck.

You are welcome.

Rufus needs therapy. Seriously. Falling for this guy. Don’t you have a little of self-respect? You need to work on that, man. I also strongly recommend to check your eyes to discard a blindness, after the required electroencephalogram, of course. Could be serious.

So Michael flees and goes to the hotel. And surprise surprise, just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, Murphy proves you wrong. The hotel manager informs him his ex-girlfriend is gone and that he himself has to pay for the whole stay, even when the are several more days reserved. His bag is ready and the lady denies him the right to have a room because he doesn’t give anything to “people like him”. Meaning, assholes.

I agree with the diagnosis but not with the treatment. Not even when he’s soaking wet in England in the height of February.

This attitude is outrageous. A hotel manager behaving like this? Jumping into a client’s business and having an opinion about what had happened and taking a side all of a sudden and kicking him out because you don’t like them is apparently enough justification for this. Do you really believe it’s normal seeing a doctor kicking a grumpy man out of the operating room just because he’s not easy-going? A pilot saying that he won’t take an idiot to his destiny because he had argued with his mother at home? A policeman letting someone die because their jokes are terrible?

Nobody believes this! NO WAY a hotel manager would behave like this. This lack of professionalism is unprecedented. Above all when she’s making you pay the whole stay even though she doesn’t allow you to stay throughout it. It would be more honest to let the person leave and not demand any money back, or at least only make him pay the days he had indeed stayed, if the client is so against someone’s beliefs. It goes without saying you are taking advantage of the situation, and also that your motivations and morals are pretty weak and embarrassing. I would sue her and write on the book of complaints and with a good reason. It would come down hard on her and her bullshit would be erased sooner rather than later. What face would you have then, bitch?

I forgive her; she’s just another brainless girl in a cast full of brainless characters.

What does Rufus do meanwhile?

He stares at his forehead in the mirror seeing the phone number as if it would tell him the meaning of life AND the next largest unknown prime number.

Wrapped up in one forehead.

Isn’t it amazing? I want a forehead like that one.

He stares and stares and is close to meet the criteria of brain dead and/or intracranial hemorrhage when he suddenly realizes one thing and that’s when the Earth stops its rotation: “Oh no, daddy is going to see this!”

Pretty mature.

He tries to clean it.

Oh no! He forgot to write the number down.

Pretty clever.

He tries to save the skin cells with the ink still stuck between them.

Phew, the cells and the ink are still there.

Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause… it’s a permanent marker?

No, because he “has the best stratum corneum in a forehead, yay!”, he must have thought instead.

Anyway, Michael is still wet and with no place to be. But he still has grey matter. Even when you don’t believe it at this stage of the game. He goes to Rufus’s house.

Best idea EVER.

And you say, “Wow, that’s brave, that guy is going to kick you out for sure”.

But Rufus is the same way as before, with the puppy eyes and a bandanna on his head covering his first class stratum corneum.

I can’t keep talking about this, I only want to add that the ONLY moment in which I liked ONE character was that scene in which Rufus introduces his best friend, Liz, a lesbian, to Michael. She says something of the sort of “Do you really like this asshole? AYFKM?”. Bravo, girl, you said what I had been shouting for hours at the wall with no response.

But then she was just another stupid character in the large list. What a pity.

The humor here didn’t humor me. It was painful. And the worst thing is that all of this is supposed to be funny! No, it’s not because it was British humor and I was not clever enough to catch it. It was just a stupid book. And I’m becoming allergic to bullshit lately. That’s all.

I can’t believe this is the author who wrote “Muscling Through”. Even more, I REFUSE to acknowledge this little fact. I’ll draw a thick veil over this. Ignorance is a bliss. It’s ironic, in Muscling Through the MC is supposed to be dumb and he’s not, whereas in Lovers Leap they are supposed to be skilled, and they are not.

Reviewer:  Cupcake

In 2016 I've been trying to diversify, drink different Kool-Aid, if you will. J.L. Merrow's books have been a fixture in my feed, so when I saw this on NetGalley I thought carpe diem. And let me just say that I get it. I get why she's popular. This is an easy, low angst read. I get it, but I just didn't connect with it. Everything is too easy breezy, too corny, too cutesy, things happen too fast. I guess I need for there to be some struggle, something I can hold on to. I need some depth in my cuteness and Lovers Leap is trope-y like a sitcom with caricaturish characters. It's trying too hard and maybe pandering?

I still have no idea what Rufus sees in Michael other than he's hot. I understand wanting to fuck the hot guy. EVERYONE wants to fuck the hot guy. But you don't date the hot guy you fucked 15 mins after you met him. You set up a "friendship" and by "friendship" I mean fuck buddy. That's why god invented fuck buddies, so you can fuck the hot guy and not have to put up with his douchedom on the regular. And make no mistake Michael is a tool. 

What's even more incomprehensible to me is the level of reality suspension required to believe that these two guys met, fucked, had a duck, some black pudding and a BJ over the course of three days and during that time decided to radically change their lives and ride off into the sunset.

I'm a logical person and I realize trying to apply logic to something as illogical as love is a fool's errand, but within the context of romance lit the author's sole job is to convince me of precisely that. Show me it can happen in three days. Everything between these two happens at lightening speed. Why does Michael decide 26 yrs and 3 days is the time to come out as bisexual to his hyper religious and homophobic mother? AND introduce her to the boyfriend!

Why would Rufus drop the bomb of a secret on his parents after three days and a boat load of unanswered questions about Michael's past, present and future? 

I need more than a day sightseeing on the Isle of Wight to believe a lasting love connection has formed and moving in together seems a good idea.

Just DOOOOOEEEETTTTTTTT!

Otherwise I'm left thinking both characters are capricious nimrods, a boatload of disbelief and a crick in my neck from all the head tilting. Good thing I've got my chiro on stand by. Merrow's breakneck pacing, predictable storyline and lack of depth in her characters has left me with the feeling that we're probably not well suited. I did like Rufus with his nervous energy thing and that he likes to cook I can identify with, but why in the Sam hell does he want to hitch his wagon to Michael? 

I'm certain this hokey brain candy fluff will work for others. If you need a light, easy read, that's cutesy and you're able to really stretch that suspend reality rubber band this is a book for you.

An ARC was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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