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In everyone's life, there is a summer where everything in your life changes.
You know the one, where you and some friends hung out and did a bunch of stuff that, in retrospect, wasn't the smartest thing in the world but you loved it and you guys bonded over it and those people will always be in your life, even if they aren't? Well, maybe not everyone has them but a lot of people do and let me tell you, they are worth their weight in gold.
Mine was when I was sixteen. I was a nerd, still am, by the way, just putting it in perspective. I was a nerd and had a group of friends that were outcasts, just like me. One of us had a license which meant for the first time in our lives we would just get up and go somewhere without bothering our parents or answering a million questions about how important it was.
We drove to the arcade, which was small but always crowded with other kids. We drove to the bowling alley because it also had video games but fewer people. We drove to Jack in the Box, because the food was cheap and it had something we could all agree on. And we drove to Berkeley, a city five times larger than the one we lived in and had things we could never find in our small town.
I had a crush on a guy.
A straight guy of course because I was an, in the closet gay teenager who hadn't come out to anyone yet. His name was Chris and he was everything I wasn't. He had blond hair, skinny, cute, popular, well among us and a hopeless flirt. He was adored by the girls in our group because he was charming as hell and lived to drive people crazy. Though he didn't know it at the time he was driving me nuts as well.
After a while, he figured it out, but I'm not sure he got why. Which means he knew I was watching him constantly but I don't think he connected that to being gay. We had a game that no one else seemed to know we were playing. We would be in a room full of people and Chris would find a way to be somewhere that only I could see and then he's started doing a mogwai dance from Gremlins.
At first, I would make an eeep sound and then point at him with a, “Look at Chris!”
Which was when he would stop.
People would look at me like I was nuts and go back to what they were doing which was when he would go back to dancing. We did this for a month until I finally stopped trying to get other people to see it and just laughed.
My friend Andy had a small car which meant if we were going somewhere it was three in the back with at least one person sitting on someone's lap. Chris would sit on me most of the time. It was harmless in its own way but in another, it was my first actual contact with a guy I liked. Again, I don't know if he knew what he was doing to me but took great joy in making me squirm.
The summer was epic in a lot of different ways but the centerpiece of it was the night we decided to chase the moon.
Whoops, sorry.
The night we decided to Chase The Moon!
Better.
So I got my grandfather's car, made a mixtape with nearly two hours of music and we took off into the California night. Our destination was the moon, and how close we could get to it. There was a beautiful full moon out and it looked like it was daring us to keep up. So at dusk, we took off, not knowing where we were going or when we'd be back.
We just knew this night would change everything.
There was a brother and sister in the group and they had been strained ever since the girl had started dating. He felt like she was going to move on and forget us and she thought he was being controlling. Andy was in a quasi-fight with his girlfriend at the time, hence why she wasn't with us and Chris...no one knew what was going on in Chris' mind.
We started with a little Who's Johnny which seguewayed into St' Elmo's Fire and then turned a corner into Shout. Andy sat in the passenger's seat with his hand out the window, lost in the moment. The siblings were sitting on either side of the back seat, doing their level best not to look at each other. Chris was in the center and when I glanced back in the rear view mirror he smiled and me.
Invisible Touch went to Why Can't This Be Love and Andy seemed agitated by the song choice. I turned the song up so they couldn't hear us in the back seat and asked him what was wrong. He explained that he wasn't sure what was going on with his girlfriend and that he thought they might be moving apart.
When You Belong to the City came on we knew it was singing to just us as we began to wind through the foothills of Northern California, the moon dancing in and out of the treeline, it's siren's call always right there. Glenn Frey faded into Jack Wagner and All I Need got a contented sigh from the sister.
Which pissed the brother off.
We pulled over for a break and they started to fight. Andy stayed to play referee while Chris and I laid on the hood and continued to listen to the music. Fortress Around You Heart came on and Chris said he liked my taste in music. I thanked him and he nodded, both of us gazing up at the moon, waiting for us to give chase again. He asked me how long I could be out and I explained I had the car all night as my grandfather expected me to crash at Andy's house.
“You can crash at mine,” he said, still not looking at me.
I glanced over at him but he still looked upwards.
“If you want to.”
“Sure,” was all I could trust myself to answer.
The song ended and A-Ha challenged us to take them on.
“Break's over,” I said sliding off the hood, “Back in.”
The car doors closed and we took off as the moon began to move again.
You Can Call Me Al moved to Your Wildest Dreams and then came to the high point of Living on a Prayer, a song that could only be sung at the top of our lungs as we dove deeper into the night. As we emerged on the other side of the valley the music began to wind down to Voices Carry then Broken Wings followed by I'm on Fire.
“I need to pee.” someone from the back seat proclaimed and I found us a pit stop.
With empty bladders and fresh Pepsi's we rushed back into the car, this time Andy sitting in the back so he could keep trying to get the siblings to talk. Chris sat down in the passenger seat and gave me a smile that could have doubled as high beams if the headlights went out.
“What?” I asked.
“Just happy, this is a good night.,” he said leaning back into the seat.
The moon laughed as she took off again, we were hot on her tail.
West End Girls turned into Rock Me Amadeus which then flipped to One Night in Bangkok before we got back into our groove. Dancing on the Ceiling bridged to Mad About You and we were all singing again. When Let's Go All The Way came on we all went for it, belting it out in five different off keys, I couldn't help but notice the way Chris sang it, little side glances at me here and there.
In a better mood Andy brought up the problem again and the back seat became engrossed in the debate as the music turned down to Small Town and then down again to I'll Be Over You. By the time we began to climb another mountain, the tape popped so we flipped it and got ready for the next part of our journey.
The Boys of Summer started us out as the conversation moved to another argument in the back seat. Glory Days became Kyrie which built to Addicted to Love which brought a small laugh from Chris.
“What?” I asked.
“This song is so me,” he said as he laid his head back, “I'm addicted to love.”
“Really?”
He nodded and closed his eyes, “I love being loved.”
It took everything not to say I love you.
Of course, I didn't but Chris was my crush and at 16 crushes have a lot of power. You couldn't call them love but you could call them something akin to it. I had no idea how narcissistic his statement was or how destructive of a sign it was, he was cute and I liked him. What else did I need?
Halfway up the mountain, we came to a little clearing and we got out to stretch our legs and to give the fight in the back a pit stop. “I am just growing up,” the sister said.
“Without us?” the brother asked, “Without me?”
Chris shook his head and sat on the hood, I had to join him.
“He is holding on too tight,” Chris said in a low voice.
“He's worried about losing their connection.”
Chris shrugged, “If he is afraid of losing it then they never had one.”
“People are scared of being left behind,” I said, no longer talking about the fight.
Chris looked at me with eyes so blue they could have been ice and said, “Why? What's so wrong about being alone?”
And I realized we were two different beasts altogether.
We got back into the car and Andy had moved back to the front seat.
Take My Breath Away soared into Holding Back the Years to Heaven and the car was silent now. A double shot of Phil Collins with One More Night to Separate Lives and Andy sighed again.
“Hey man, things will work out,” it sounded even lamer said out loud.
“You don't know that,” Andy answered, “You don't know that at all.”
I didn't, so I shut up.
Lay Your Hands on Me started to lighten the mood as it built to Stuck With You and then Party All the Time. The car was lighter now, happier, even in their moods everyone was tapping and swaying as Never came blasting through the speakers. Danger Zone to Take Me Home Tonight and we were flying. As we got nearer and nearer the top the moon became so large that it seemed to take up the whole sky.
We came to the end of the road and got out, we looked like we were right under the moon and it hovered there, congratulating us on our achievement. We all took a moment to appreciate our feat, Andy by the driver's side, brother and sister by the hood, Chris and I at the trunk.
“We did it,” he said looking up, “We caught it.”
I smiled and nodded, “So now what?”
He didn't stop looking up but I felt a finger touch mine. I looked down and he had looped one finger under mine.
“Now, now we just enjoy it.”
I moved my hand under his they came together, fingers intertwined, “I can do that.”
“Can you?” he asked looking over to me, “Because tomorrow it will be gone and everything will be different.”
He was right and I we both knew it.
“I can do that,” I said quietly.
He smiled and leaned into me, “Good.”
We spent a long time up there, on top of the world as the moon waved goodbye and went on her journey to places we couldn't follow. And though there were other nights, other boys and other cars, none of them will be that night with that boy. Ever.
Everyone has a summer like that. This was mine, read Jordan's in Jordan Vs. All The Boys by Harmony Ink.
You know the one, where you and some friends hung out and did a bunch of stuff that, in retrospect, wasn't the smartest thing in the world but you loved it and you guys bonded over it and those people will always be in your life, even if they aren't? Well, maybe not everyone has them but a lot of people do and let me tell you, they are worth their weight in gold.
Mine was when I was sixteen. I was a nerd, still am, by the way, just putting it in perspective. I was a nerd and had a group of friends that were outcasts, just like me. One of us had a license which meant for the first time in our lives we would just get up and go somewhere without bothering our parents or answering a million questions about how important it was.
We drove to the arcade, which was small but always crowded with other kids. We drove to the bowling alley because it also had video games but fewer people. We drove to Jack in the Box, because the food was cheap and it had something we could all agree on. And we drove to Berkeley, a city five times larger than the one we lived in and had things we could never find in our small town.
I had a crush on a guy.
A straight guy of course because I was an, in the closet gay teenager who hadn't come out to anyone yet. His name was Chris and he was everything I wasn't. He had blond hair, skinny, cute, popular, well among us and a hopeless flirt. He was adored by the girls in our group because he was charming as hell and lived to drive people crazy. Though he didn't know it at the time he was driving me nuts as well.
After a while, he figured it out, but I'm not sure he got why. Which means he knew I was watching him constantly but I don't think he connected that to being gay. We had a game that no one else seemed to know we were playing. We would be in a room full of people and Chris would find a way to be somewhere that only I could see and then he's started doing a mogwai dance from Gremlins.
At first, I would make an eeep sound and then point at him with a, “Look at Chris!”
Which was when he would stop.
People would look at me like I was nuts and go back to what they were doing which was when he would go back to dancing. We did this for a month until I finally stopped trying to get other people to see it and just laughed.
My friend Andy had a small car which meant if we were going somewhere it was three in the back with at least one person sitting on someone's lap. Chris would sit on me most of the time. It was harmless in its own way but in another, it was my first actual contact with a guy I liked. Again, I don't know if he knew what he was doing to me but took great joy in making me squirm.
The summer was epic in a lot of different ways but the centerpiece of it was the night we decided to chase the moon.
Whoops, sorry.
The night we decided to Chase The Moon!
Better.
So I got my grandfather's car, made a mixtape with nearly two hours of music and we took off into the California night. Our destination was the moon, and how close we could get to it. There was a beautiful full moon out and it looked like it was daring us to keep up. So at dusk, we took off, not knowing where we were going or when we'd be back.
We just knew this night would change everything.
There was a brother and sister in the group and they had been strained ever since the girl had started dating. He felt like she was going to move on and forget us and she thought he was being controlling. Andy was in a quasi-fight with his girlfriend at the time, hence why she wasn't with us and Chris...no one knew what was going on in Chris' mind.
We started with a little Who's Johnny which seguewayed into St' Elmo's Fire and then turned a corner into Shout. Andy sat in the passenger's seat with his hand out the window, lost in the moment. The siblings were sitting on either side of the back seat, doing their level best not to look at each other. Chris was in the center and when I glanced back in the rear view mirror he smiled and me.
Invisible Touch went to Why Can't This Be Love and Andy seemed agitated by the song choice. I turned the song up so they couldn't hear us in the back seat and asked him what was wrong. He explained that he wasn't sure what was going on with his girlfriend and that he thought they might be moving apart.
When You Belong to the City came on we knew it was singing to just us as we began to wind through the foothills of Northern California, the moon dancing in and out of the treeline, it's siren's call always right there. Glenn Frey faded into Jack Wagner and All I Need got a contented sigh from the sister.
Which pissed the brother off.
We pulled over for a break and they started to fight. Andy stayed to play referee while Chris and I laid on the hood and continued to listen to the music. Fortress Around You Heart came on and Chris said he liked my taste in music. I thanked him and he nodded, both of us gazing up at the moon, waiting for us to give chase again. He asked me how long I could be out and I explained I had the car all night as my grandfather expected me to crash at Andy's house.
“You can crash at mine,” he said, still not looking at me.
I glanced over at him but he still looked upwards.
“If you want to.”
“Sure,” was all I could trust myself to answer.
The song ended and A-Ha challenged us to take them on.
“Break's over,” I said sliding off the hood, “Back in.”
The car doors closed and we took off as the moon began to move again.
You Can Call Me Al moved to Your Wildest Dreams and then came to the high point of Living on a Prayer, a song that could only be sung at the top of our lungs as we dove deeper into the night. As we emerged on the other side of the valley the music began to wind down to Voices Carry then Broken Wings followed by I'm on Fire.
“I need to pee.” someone from the back seat proclaimed and I found us a pit stop.
With empty bladders and fresh Pepsi's we rushed back into the car, this time Andy sitting in the back so he could keep trying to get the siblings to talk. Chris sat down in the passenger seat and gave me a smile that could have doubled as high beams if the headlights went out.
“What?” I asked.
“Just happy, this is a good night.,” he said leaning back into the seat.
The moon laughed as she took off again, we were hot on her tail.
West End Girls turned into Rock Me Amadeus which then flipped to One Night in Bangkok before we got back into our groove. Dancing on the Ceiling bridged to Mad About You and we were all singing again. When Let's Go All The Way came on we all went for it, belting it out in five different off keys, I couldn't help but notice the way Chris sang it, little side glances at me here and there.
In a better mood Andy brought up the problem again and the back seat became engrossed in the debate as the music turned down to Small Town and then down again to I'll Be Over You. By the time we began to climb another mountain, the tape popped so we flipped it and got ready for the next part of our journey.
The Boys of Summer started us out as the conversation moved to another argument in the back seat. Glory Days became Kyrie which built to Addicted to Love which brought a small laugh from Chris.
“What?” I asked.
“This song is so me,” he said as he laid his head back, “I'm addicted to love.”
“Really?”
He nodded and closed his eyes, “I love being loved.”
It took everything not to say I love you.
Of course, I didn't but Chris was my crush and at 16 crushes have a lot of power. You couldn't call them love but you could call them something akin to it. I had no idea how narcissistic his statement was or how destructive of a sign it was, he was cute and I liked him. What else did I need?
Halfway up the mountain, we came to a little clearing and we got out to stretch our legs and to give the fight in the back a pit stop. “I am just growing up,” the sister said.
“Without us?” the brother asked, “Without me?”
Chris shook his head and sat on the hood, I had to join him.
“He is holding on too tight,” Chris said in a low voice.
“He's worried about losing their connection.”
Chris shrugged, “If he is afraid of losing it then they never had one.”
“People are scared of being left behind,” I said, no longer talking about the fight.
Chris looked at me with eyes so blue they could have been ice and said, “Why? What's so wrong about being alone?”
And I realized we were two different beasts altogether.
We got back into the car and Andy had moved back to the front seat.
Take My Breath Away soared into Holding Back the Years to Heaven and the car was silent now. A double shot of Phil Collins with One More Night to Separate Lives and Andy sighed again.
“Hey man, things will work out,” it sounded even lamer said out loud.
“You don't know that,” Andy answered, “You don't know that at all.”
I didn't, so I shut up.
Lay Your Hands on Me started to lighten the mood as it built to Stuck With You and then Party All the Time. The car was lighter now, happier, even in their moods everyone was tapping and swaying as Never came blasting through the speakers. Danger Zone to Take Me Home Tonight and we were flying. As we got nearer and nearer the top the moon became so large that it seemed to take up the whole sky.
We came to the end of the road and got out, we looked like we were right under the moon and it hovered there, congratulating us on our achievement. We all took a moment to appreciate our feat, Andy by the driver's side, brother and sister by the hood, Chris and I at the trunk.
“We did it,” he said looking up, “We caught it.”
I smiled and nodded, “So now what?”
He didn't stop looking up but I felt a finger touch mine. I looked down and he had looped one finger under mine.
“Now, now we just enjoy it.”
I moved my hand under his they came together, fingers intertwined, “I can do that.”
“Can you?” he asked looking over to me, “Because tomorrow it will be gone and everything will be different.”
He was right and I we both knew it.
“I can do that,” I said quietly.
He smiled and leaned into me, “Good.”
We spent a long time up there, on top of the world as the moon waved goodbye and went on her journey to places we couldn't follow. And though there were other nights, other boys and other cars, none of them will be that night with that boy. Ever.
Everyone has a summer like that. This was mine, read Jordan's in Jordan Vs. All The Boys by Harmony Ink.
Blurb:
There’s a time when life changes, when childhood is left behind and the first fumbling steps are taken into adulthood. One group of friends sets out for a summer of adventure and discovery. Jordan, Brandon, Ethan, and Dominic are ready to grow up and test themselves. But will their friendship buckle under the strain as they face the inevitable misunderstandings and conflicts? If they can hang on to their bond, it will see them through to the ultimate victory….
Finding love.
Buy Link:
Amazon
Connect with the author:
Twitter: @fosterhigh
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