Sunday Funday Jizzmas: 2016 Advent Calendar - Bah Humbug | Week 1


It’s nearing that time of year again! Yuletide-the season of giving, jolly ole St. Nick may be about to creep down your chimney or in your window, the time to make merry or fake it til you make it by bringing a tumbler and a fold out chair to partake of the mulled wine and we're here to spread the Jizzmas cheer.

There are unis who are Santa Jizzians and there are Grumpicorns. We each weighed in on 31 Bah Humbug tales and for the next six weeks we are going to utilize our finely honed Jizzpertise on all of them to find the gems. For you. This week we've got Clare London, Matt Burlingame, Kim Fielding, Pat Henshaw, Andi Van & Sarah Hadley Brook!


So, sit back, relax and let the Jizzmas spirit fill you to the brim with holiday cheer this season.

Missed a week? Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5
| Week 6

Creatures of the Night and Santa’s Christmas duties don’t mix. Every myth and bedtime story tells you so.

But on Christmas Eve, when the Elves walked off the job over pension rights, it was time for me—Irwin, the only vampire on Santa’s payroll, despite recent diversity initiatives—and my trusty team to help out. Just deliver a few parcels, Santa asked me. Just help out on your local patch. Just for one night.

Armed with my reluctance to face all that human sentimentality, and accompanied by a wise-cracking werewolf and an unruly fairy with a taste for vodka, I did my best. Honest.
But we were heading for disaster until I came face-to-face with cute babysitter Benny. It’s Santa’s Number One Rule—no interaction with the clients. But Benny somehow managed to upset my appetite, inflame my libido, and restore my faith in the Christmas spirit, with one cheeky smile and a tasty body piercing.

It’s Christmas, and the show must go on!

Fantasy Living - 4 Hearts

A fun take on how Santa gets all the gifts to children in one night. This was cute, sexy, and funny. I loved all the characters, and how they reacted to each other. There was snark, drunken fairy business, and a sweetheart of a Vampire, just trying to do his job and get back to his coffin.

The writing was solid, and the plot worked well. This is an open ending, so I’ve decided what happens to all the characters in this story after this short intro.

If you’re looking for something different this holiday season, this is definitely a winner. Not too heavy on the Christmas message, these are just a group of random mythical beings doing a favour for Santa.


Ann - 4 Hearts

Who knew vampires could be so darn charming? Not this Peach, but then I met Irwin and I couldn’t help but love the guy. I also loved the author’s unique take on Santa’s helpers from the darker side of the mythological spectrum. The vampire Irwin leads a band of misfits to help deliver presents on Christmas Eve and the banter between him, Wulf the werewolf and Zilith the drunken sprite was snarky and fun. At one house they are discovered by Benny, a delicious young man who just happens to have a vampire/biting kink and just how perfect is that? Benny tags along because, you know, the kink and the two of them do some bonding while delivering all the Christmas cheer. Neither one can pass on the opportunity of an HEA with their match so declarations of forever are made and forever is a long time with an immortal and I ate it every last word. Bite Night was a great way to start out the Jizzmas season.

Chelsea - 4.5 Hearts

That was great. There was humour, great characters and a smoking hot blow job with fangs!!

Irwin and his team of Creatures Of The Night are helping Santa deliver the toys on Christmas eve because the elves are on strike. They get caught by a human man, Benny who them joins them in their exhibition.

The side characters were great fun. I loved the dialogue and Irwin thoughts; he was a sneaky horny vampire.

He clung to my arm as we eased through the wall back out into the garden. “That was… different,” he gasped, when he got his breath back.


I nudged his left elbow until it came properly back into focus. That was all limbs accounted for. I didn’t think he’d have damaged any major organs. I checked his groin area, just to be sure. No, everything looked in order.

It's not 5 hearts because we never saw Irwin’s piercing fetish get satisfied (insert sad face) and I love assets (insert happy face). If a book doesn't have fucking it has to leave a pretty big impact to receive a full rating *points at all of you* no judging allowed.

If the rest of the stories are going to be this good I'm going to really enjoy Christmas!

Jenni Lea - 4 Hearts

You know, I grudgingly agreed to do this whole 'Jizzmas Review' thing. I'm not really a fan of Christmas Jizz. Usually around this time of year, when all my friends are squeeing over the holiday stories, I quietly disengage and run searching for the booze. I just can't with the sugary sweetness and bubble gum love. But if most of them are like this little story, I just might change my tune. This was a treat! I laughed out loud so many times. Irwin is a curmudgeonly vampire who works for Santa. Why, if he's such a grump, I have no idea. He and his werewolf and sprite companions help deliver presents to all the boys and girls on Christmas eve, cause, ya know, Santa's only one guy, right? While delivering some presents to one little boy, they are discovered by Benny the Babysitter. Immediately the sparks fly between Irwin and Benny. This was a cleverly told tale of silliness and shenanigans. There was quite a bit of snark (of which I am a fan) and Irwin's internal dialogue was just my type of quirky. I enjoyed this little story quite a bit and now I think I'll have to try some more of Clare London's work. If they're all like this I may just have found an author to add to my favorites list.

Sara - 3.5 Hearts

I think I will be the odd man out on this story but I find the author is hit or miss with me.
So…um…Well this was a new take on the standard Christmas tale and it was hilariously sexy. Who would have thought that when Santa gets in a pinch for present delivery, he calls on the creatures of the night to fill in? I loved Irwin’s sense of humor, Wulf was punny and I am glad he didn’t pee on the tree and Zilith is my kind of Sprite. But really, Benny the babysitting human steals the show with his reaction to seeing the threesome and deciding that Irwin needed a taste of what Benny was offering. OMG. Yeah, there were some cheesy lines but this was fun and different for a holiday read.

Lori - 3 Hearts

I actually loved this story, except for one fact, which I'll point out in my review so this is a maybe spoiler alert type thingmebob.

Okay, this was funny, I loved the chat and snappy comebacks between the characters. Ioved the drunk pixie and snarky werewolf. I loved that the MC was a vampire doing Santa's work.

What I didn't love was the dog shit. They used wizardymagicky ways of moving and Benny lands in a pile of poo - then they're kissing and stuff and all I can think about is the fact that it's all gonna smell of shit. And that was kinda distracting in a baaaaaad way. Kisses and romance and dog shit do not mix, in my world at least. Take out that one line and I probably would have made this a 4.5 read. :(

Find out more about Bite Night on Goodreads & Dreamspinner Press.

Thirty-three-year-old technical writer Laurence Hart is a modern-day Scrooge when it comes to the holiday season—and the rest of the year, too. He doesn’t like most people, they don’t like him, and he’s happy to keep it that way. Over lunch with his best friend, he receives a fortune cookie promising him true love. The next day, forced to work on a holiday charity committee or lose his job, he meets Nick, a jolly ginger giant who loves all things Christmas. Together they face numerous obstacles to put together a holiday fair to raise money for children in foster care, in only four days. While Laurence has to mend his curmudgeonly ways to make the event a success, Nick’s holiday magic might mend Laurence’s heart.





Breann - 4.5 Hearts

Squeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so happy this was the first Bah Humbug story I decided to read! It gave good squishy feels.

A classic Christmas trope. Laurence hated Christmas. So when Mr. Grumpykins was volun-told to work on the annual office fundraiser he was not too happy.

He worked on this fundraiser with Nick. Well... after Laurence met Nick, he couldn't back out then. Nick was too sweet for words! He got under Laurence's skin and I loved it. Laurence was a jerk. He had his reasons... but still, a jerk. Nick brought out the best in Laurence. I love a good "finding the holiday spirit" story and this one was IT. There was a lot of emotion packed in this short romance. Laurence found his holiday magic with Nick, along with some other great secondary characters.

The Fortune Cookie is a must read for your holiday reading list this year. It's a little bit funny, a little bit angst, and a lot sweet, drizzled with Christmas-y goodness.

Ann - 4 Hearts

Poor curmudgeonly and misunderstood Laurence is not a fan of the holidays or anything in general anymore and his attitude has landed him on the holiday committee at his office as penance for a past transgression. He reluctantly attends the planning meetings and the only good thing he sees is Nick, the new employee and head of the committee. Nick is perpetually optimistic and determined to make the holiday fundraiser the best ever. Unfortunately some people aren’t big on change and after a minor mutiny, there aren’t but three committee members left. Nick is ready to throw in the towel and that is something that Laurence just can’t abide by. Laurence figures it’s one thing for him to be miserable, but he can’t handle seeing it in Nick.

Thankfully Laurence also has a conscience in the form of his best friend and co-worker Amanda and I really liked her character. She supported Laurence but also called him on his dickish behavior. I don’t know that Laurence would have been able to handle his chance at enlightenment and happiness without her there to be sounding board for him. Nick helps Laurence see the possibilities in Christmas that he’s never had a chance for before and the author managed to get some real issues and feelings into this short story while still keeping an optimistic feeling throughout. The ending is sweet with a little bit of a magical feeling that didn’t get too saccharine and the author made sure that Laurence still stayed true to the character that I got attached to throughout the story. It felt more like he lost his dickish ways and found who he used to be with an added dose of optimism. It was really well done and the whole ending made me feel all the Christmas feels.

Sara - 4 Hearts

This was so good. I am a sucker for the redeemable asshole and Laurence just happens to fit the bill. He's all sorts of Bah Humbug about the Christmas Holiday but when he gets Voluntold to be on the committee for the holiday charity fundraiser to make up for well, something he did before, he meets the one and only Nick who is one hell of a ginger. Not only does Nick have blue eyes, a beautiful ginger beard and is built like a tree you want to climb, he LOVES the Christmas holiday as much as me and not just because his last name is Kringall.

To keep this short. Laurence has issues that have made him so grumpy and grinch like but when he feels an attraction to Nick and empathy for him, he begins to let the ice around his heart melt. Watching Laurence open his heart and let it grow *whispers* three sizes, was really amazing. He is this great guy who had some bad times but he is letting the Christmas magic change all that.

The side characters in this were great too! I loved Amanda and I was shocked right along with Nick and Laurence when we learn about Brad!

Just an all-around well written holiday short story that will warm the coldest cold heart.

SheReadsALot - 4.25 Hearts

I feel!

Possibly the Jizzmas spirit? *squints*
This Santa jizz Grumpcorn was tickled by this adorably snarky story. I swallowed this load easily.

I think this year's anthology theme of Scrooges reigning supreme is great. (You can't tell me that the Scrooges don't reign) It's the only reason why I even looked at this year's Dreamspinner anthology. I felt one with this story's Scrooge, Laurence. He's 33, single and not a big fan of the Christmas commercialism. And if he shreds unwanted Christmas decorations from his office cubicle, so what? They shouldn't be invading his space. I feel he is misunderstood. He stood up to the Christmas cheery and their Christmas sugar, fought the good fight...maybe he might have been a little stern.

But he got his point across. *shrug*

Maybe too well, since he's been at it for years and this year an office mishap lands him in an office holiday planning committee. Mandatory or else. *gasp* And to make matters worse, the committee is being led by a Christmas loving ginger giant by the name of Nick Kringall. Nick tries to complete the impossible with Laurence on his team--throw a big party in a limited amount of time. The two men are forced to work together. During this short period of time Laurence thaws out, Nick seems a little otherworldly, is it a Jizzmas miracle?

NO!

Where this story wins is not the Jizzmas cheer, it's watching Laurence realize his flaws, grow as a person and open to let someone in. Also, Matt Burlingame, the author of this story has a fine hand at letting the story unfurl without letting it get lost to Christmas fluff and cheer. There was a speck of feels as there are mentions of past abuse - Trigger warning. There were also moments of cheese--hm, like Cheddar cubes--but it worked to make a well rounded story. And the romance was sweet not sticky. The laughs had a snarky tinge. Thoroughly enjoyed and will be looking for more MM romance from this author (it's his first time!)

On second thought, I don't think it's Jizzmas spirit I feel. I think it was a little indigestion. *burp* ;P

Lori - 4.5 Hearts

My notes say four.5 stars. cute, not sickly and just the right amount of Christmas cheer. would read more about these guys. and terrible punctuation aside, it really sums up this story for me. It was everything right about seasonal stories and left me with a warm glow that had nowt to do with mulled wine, eggnog or sherry. Recommended.


Find out more about The Fortune Cookie on Goodreads & Dreamspinner Press.

Grant Beaudoin should be thrilled to escape Minneapolis at Christmastime and grateful to lounge on a Hawaiian beach. Instead he is mired in self-pity and drowning in too much tequila. His twin is marrying the perfect man, while Grant is stuck in middle management with no love life in sight. A walk into the rain forest leads to a meeting with a doomed man who has a story about a holiday that predates Christmas. Grant comes to realize that difficult endings can lead to new beginnings—and perhaps a brighter future.








Lori - 2 Hearts

Ho hum, 2 hearts... am I joining the grumpycorns in the jizzmas nay corner? Nope, nuh huh, no way not even a little bit. Those 2 hearts still have glitter all over them.

But...

This story was a bit of a miss for me. Frankly, if I'm honest, it just confused the life right outta me. I also didn't connect with the characters. liked that this was not a traditional setting and theme but I felt the author needed to have a lot more words to write the story she intended. I'm making the assumption there was a word count limit for these stories. This story needed to be longer then I would have felt connected to the characters, and a somewhat confusing storyline could have unfolded more naturally.

Breann - 2.5 Hearts

I'm so bummed I didn't love this one. I mean, it is Kim Fielding. It should be a no-brainer.

I need more romance and holiday magic in my Jizzmus. I mean... the legend and mythology stuff was neat. But I didn't want neat. I wanted love and holiday cheesiness. There was too much world-buiding and it got in the way of the romance for me.

Sara - 4 Hearts

I am a sucker for the traditional Christmas stories but I love it when an author can take the holiday and turn it into more and Fielding did exactly that.

Grant is not happy with his life, his work or really anything in between. It’s pretty bad when you can be happy in Hawaii at Christmas even if it is for your twin brothers wedding. Grant is so grumpy that as he orders another drink, the waiter decides to serve him a bit of magic and Grant finds that the magic among the forest. Grant soon learns that this holiday we consider one of Conifers, colored lights and large men in red suits with white beards, is not the only way to celebrate.
I loved the folklore in this and the tale of the Gods I haven’t heard of. It was great to be with Grant as he learned the story and life of Perun and it was heartbreaking to watch him hold Hors after the evitable. But when he decides to take his fate into his own human hands and go to Croatia to search for the Oak tree from the story, no cold could have kept the warmth from my heart.

This was a great and unconventional holiday story that still kept what I love most about the season, hope, love and happiness for all.

Ann - 3.5 Hearts

I liked this unique tale very much. It’s not a traditional holiday romance and I think that’s what I appreciated most about it. Plus, I accidentally learned stuff about mythology from other parts of the world and I love accidental learning. Grant is in Hawaii to be with his twin for his twin’s wedding to the love of his life and Grant can’t help but feel his perpetual loneliness pretty acutely while surrounded by all the love and as he’s spending some alone time exploring the island he comes across a tree that doesn’t quite belong and then a man that doesn’t quite belong either. He’s not sure if he’s dreaming, but his curiosity is definitely piqued. I liked reading about Grant’s interest in *something* and I could see Grant gain depth as a character as the story progressed. The ending was a little tough to wrap my brain around. I mean, I get it, but my practical side had questions. But, the story is a fantasy, so don’t listen to your practical side and enjoy Grant’s unique HEA.

Cupcake - 2 Hearts

This whole grumpicorn thing was meant to be a joke but now I feel extra grinchy for not liking this one. I mean, it’s Kim Fielding! I’m supposed to love all of her writes, right? But this gave me a case of the mehs. Bahs? Humbugs? It’s not overly Christmasy which was a plus but aside from that it was too bizarre.

It’s largely set in Hawaii for Grant’s brother’s wedding. One day Grant gets sloshed day drinking, wanders into a rainforest and meets a god. The god tells a story and it resonates with Grant so much so that he can’t get the god out of his head. I get the whole instalove thing but that’s instalove on industrial strength Santa jizz. There’s no discernible connection between the two that I could see or feel, but Grant’s constantly hitting the rainforest hoping for more of his god.

The god’s mythology seemed like Slavic lore but the story is in Hawaii? Why is it an oak tree? How did it get in the rainforest? I think this is some sort of symbolism I missed. Why are none of these people not at all taken aback by Grant conversing with gods in rainforests? I know I was supposed to suspend disbelief and get with the Jizzmas spirit and maybe I could’ve done that had the relationship between them been more solid or romantic or something, but as it stands the mythology overtook the romance and left me more confused than anything else.

Find out more Anything Else on Goodreads & Dreamspinner Press.


Christmas joy is a matter of perspective. For some, it’s the happiest time of the year. For others, not so much.

Twenty-nine-year-old Mick, the son of crack addicts, isn’t exactly a dyed-in-the-wool Scrooge. Mick’s been on his own from childhood. As a teen, he lived in a shelter where for a short time he had a boyfriend. After the boyfriend left, Mick moved to the Orpheum Theater. While squatting there and taking care of the grand old building, Mick watched others celebrate the holidays from a distance, never able to share in their joy.

Only his Technicolor dreams liven his dull, mechanical life until one day the world around him begins to change. Mick is surprised when a man named Jim buys the vintage Orpheum and plans to restore it. Something about Jim makes Mick think they’ve met before. In fact, Jim rekindles Mick’s longing for a better life and a little holiday magic for himself.

Chelsea - 3 Hearts

This one started out OK. I was intrigued by Mick's character and liked his back story. I was hoping for a nice Christmas miracle for him seeing as how he had a pretty shitty past. That did happen, but it was so sudden and yet so expected that I really didn't feel it.

I liked each individual character, Mick had real substance and Jim was very cute how he floundered around Mick. However, there really was absolutely no connection between these two and while I don't (or shouldn't) have anything against non-explicit stories; I was very disappointed when even their first kiss was written as, ‘after more kissing’.

The romance was virtually nonexistent but the HEA was perfect for Mick!

Sara - 4.5 Hearts

Boy oh boy was this one good. It had me at go and tugged at my hopeless romantic heart. I fell hard for Mick as we learn about his awful childhood, his time in shelters and learning about his love for The Orpheum Theater. It was heartbreaking but oh so relatable as he told us about his mind movies at night and his version of romance was so very much me. Sigh. I loved learning about his friend Randy and how much they meant to one another and how it just tore Mick apart when Randy disappeared and he didn't know what happened to him. Just kicked me in the gut, I tell you.

But it's not all rose colored melancholy for our dear boy Mick. When the new owner of the theater takes a few minutes to get to know Mick, he has this feeling of overwhelming familiarity that he can't quite place and man did it do a number on me.

I was so emotionally invested in this story up until the reveal and then I felt a bit let down. Maybe it's just me but I wanted more from it. More letting me feel than glossing over those last details that could have been so emotional and intimate. And yet, I can still write this the morning after finishing the story and let out a gooey sigh so that in itself, says something about the magic of a good story.

Lori - 4 Hearts

A cute tale of Christmas spirit that embodies the warmth, and importance, of friendship and love. I liked both Randy and Mick, they are both just the kind of MCs I like in my Christmas stories; humble, hardworking and loving. A Christmas hit for me.

Find out more about The Orpheum Miracle on Goodreads & Dreamspinner Press.

Karl Kringle hates the modern-day Christmas. He was born to be Krampus, but the Holiday Council refuses to let him help his brother Nick—aka Santa Claus—with the Naughty List until he finds his holiday spirit. To meet that challenge, he’s turned human and dumped in a strange apartment.

Lewis Weatherby loves the holidays and always has. Not only do his parents own a pumpkin patch and tree farm, he’s also inherited a Christmas-themed shop. All he wants from Santa is the man of his dreams, and the Big Guy might’ve just delivered. Lewis’s new neighbor Karl is gorgeous, sweet, and has a fantastic sense of humor—if his jokes about being Krampus are any indication.

Soon getting home is less important to Karl than what will happen when Lewis inevitably realizes the truth behind his jokes. He’s finally starting to understand the real joy of the season—now he just has to figure out how to hold on to it.

Fantasy Living - 3 Hearts

I like Andi Van as an author, and for those who love Christmas fluff, this will appeal.
For me, I was expecting something a little edgier with Krampus as a main character, and while I actually enjoyed Krampus in this story, I wanted a little more snark, maybe some growling, and some anti-Christmas feels to go along with.

Krampus, in this story, doesn’t deliver the kind of grumpiness I was expecting in the beginning. Yeah, he’s cranky, but it’s because he’s trying to take the burden off his brother (Santa). The supporting characters were great, and I enjoyed the witty banter between everyone else. I enjoyed Noel, I liked the Dwarf, and the family feel of the story was nice and mushy. I just felt that Krampus wasn’t given the complexity I would have expected for this type of Bah-Humbug cum Christmas is Joy story.

That being said, the plot was solid, and the writing was impeccable. The secondary characters were all well developed, and the basics of the mythology was explained well. There was some funny, some sads, and definitely some heartwarming moments. Taking out my preconceived notions of who Krampus should be, the character was written really well, and I connected with the story. Maybe I’m just too much of a horror fiend to appreciate this milder, more friendly version. Totally on me.

For those looking for edgy or dark, or, well Krampus, this is not for you. But for those who want this to buoy their spirits during Silly Season, this will definitely give you the Reason for the Season feel.

Recommended for all Christmas Lovers, and those who prefer their anti-heros not very anti…. but very much a hero.


Ann - 5 Hearts

I honestly wasn’t sure where the author was going to go with Krampus as an MC in a Christmas story and how she was going to make me feel empathy for him, but dammit if that wasn’t a thing from the get go. I got sucked into this sweet tale of Santa’s brother Karl and his place in the legends. I think what I appreciated about the story, aside from all the wonderful characters, banter and of course, Karl, was the thought that went into Karl’s story, the way he expressed his feelings, the passion for the job he wants and the love for his brother. It really showed the depth of character for Karl in a way that read very organically making all the information about the mythology easy to absorb as the story progressed.

The characters make this story. If you’re a fan of Beast (as Beast) in Beauty and the Beast; if you prefer Hugh Jackman AS Wolverine more than any other character he’s played, then Karl’s your guy. Sure, he’s grouchy, but for the most selfless of reasons and the more I learned about his feels, the more I loved him. He’s sent to the mortal world to find his Christmas spirit and conveniently found Lewis first. Lewis was the perfect match for Karl and their flirting was perfectly adorable and I can’t remember the last time I was more squee-ish for a couple of characters. And then there’s Jerry, Nick, Noel, I could seriously go on and on. This one is getting a permanent spot on my Jizzmas reread shelf.

Sara - 5 Hearts

This is possibly my favorite story out of the Advent Calendar, and yes I am reading them all. It will be pretty damn hard to top this!

From the blurb you know what is up. Karl is Krampus and gets sent to be human and find his Christmas spirit…

Ack. How do I keep this short?

*deep breath*

I adore the hell out of Karl. Sure, he is Krampus (which he LOVES being all the way down to his hooves, horns and hairy body) and has the job of scaring the naughty kids for Christmas but he is genuinely a good guy. He loves his twin brother Nick, aka as Santa Claus, and even his brother in law Noel. He loved the Christmas holiday but hates that he lost the spirit and now can't help Nick with the duties and he really doesn't like the burned falling onto Nick's shoulders. So even though he didn't want to spend time among humans and was kinda pissed at Noel for sending him on a "vacation" he is willing to put the time and effort into finding the Christmas spirit again because he loves his bro... let's all give a great big Awww to Karl now, Kay? Awwwww....

And while they don’t necessarily hate Krampus, they’re afraid of him because he’s so different—wild and gruff and angry all the time. What they don’t understand is that Krampus is angry because he knows his brother is being taken advantage of, but no one will let him help.

Of course I loved Lewis too. How could I not when we get a awesome man over 40 with a normal, not shredded body, who loves the Christmas spirit even if it irks him that the Christmas season now seems to last 3 months. It was so much fun meeting Crampy Ass with him and him just losing it over Karl's real stories that he thought were all made up. Lewis is a true gem and his family is amazing. Nick is great. Noel is feisty AF and the banter with him and Karl is an ab workout. And man you have to love the hell out of Jerry! Seriously.

I adored the romance between Karl and Lewis. I love the bromance between Karl and Nick and I just loved the Holy Holly out of this story.

This was a fun, smart, witty and imaginative take on the folklore of not just Christmas but the mythical beings that rule our calendared holidays. It’s a fun read you do not want to miss.

Jenni Lea - 5 Hearts

OK, what the hell is going on? I hate holiday jizzmas stories! I get nauseated at the thought of reading them. I'm a grinch, a Scrooge. I turn my nose up at all the sap and the sugary sweetness.

Well, apparently I'm also a big, fat liar now.

I. LOVED. THIS. STORY. Krampus (or Karl, as he is called while in human form) is the most loveable grump and I heart him SO HARD! He made this book for me. Well, that's not entirely true. Lewis and Jerry and Lizzie and Barb and Susan and Nick and Noel and Rimble and... and... hell, everybody made this book for me. I laughed so many times! I think I highlighted about 75% of the story too. All the awkward moments, all the laughter, even the tears I shed over the letters to Santa just made this book that much more enjoyable for me. And that ending! Gah! It was completely over the top and ridiculous but I wouldn't want to see it end any other way.

What a wonderful alternative to the classic Christmas story this is. Such clever writing. Hands down, this is my favorite book of the season. Highly, highly recommended.

Lori - 5 glitter covered, lights a glowing, cinnamon scented Hearts

Krampus how I love thee, let me count the ways...
1 - hulking, fluffy Krampus is hulking and fluffy with a nice bit of growl.
2 - hulking human Krampus is hulking and human with a nice bit of growl.
3 - hulking and growl. Yum.
4 - he is so cute and lovely and I want more Karl.
5 - see points 1-4.
6 - yadda, yadda, yadda...

This was the sweetest story and it is everything a Christmas read should be - with extra fur. Perfect.

Find out more about Krampus Hates Christmas on Goodreads & Dreamspinner Press.


Matthew Blick is almost thirty years old, and he hates the thought of another holiday alone. He has become a bit of a wet blanket when Christmas rolls around every year. So much so that even his five-year-old niece, Hannah, knows something needs to change. She asks the department store Santa to bring her uncle a man to love, and when Santa sees her uncle, he formulates a plan to set that possibility in motion.

Santa shows up at Matthew’s house and at first Matthew can’t place him, but then the memories of his first kiss flood his mind and he is shocked to find that Santa is the man he has carried a torch for since high school. Will this twist of fate help Matthew change his view on the holidays? Only a kiss can tell.


Lori - 3 Hearts

Oh yay, oh yay, oh yay! It is my most favourite time of year, the time of the holiday story! I adore holiday stories as much as a winter Hallmark film (naysayers turn away now) and I'm fully ensconced in the Merry Jizzmas unicorn camp.

We have glitter and fairy lights and hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and a fire and snow outside over here! Snuggled under myvred and green fleecy blanket I started my Bah Humbug! reading.

Matthew's Kiss was short, and sweet like the inside of a marshmallow. Gooey. Yum. Maybe it was a bit too 'telling' and a tad short on the 'showing' side for me, but I'll forgive it! An enjoyable start to my Christmas love-in

Ann - 3.5 Hearts

Matthew’s Present is a really sweet meet-cute story that also qualifies as a bit of a reunion story too. The author did a really good job of working Matthew’s niece Hannah’s wish into the story without it becoming too saccharine/sweet. When Matthew’s present arrives at his home I got all wrapped up in the sweet tension of the moment and it really exemplifies what I love most about the Jizzmas stories. Characters have a tendency to take chances they may not otherwise and this one has that setup in spades, I loved it. The only thing I would have liked was a little more at the end so I could get a feel for the guys as a couple, but while it may not have qualified as an HEA just yet, it left off with a very optimistic HFN.

Sara - 4 Hearts

This is my kind of Christmas story! We have the lonely but good hearted man who isn’t a fan of Christmas anymore because he was cheated on over the holiday. We have one adorable 5 year old niece who wants her Uncle Matthew to be happy with a man and we have one blue eyed Santa who decides to hit one Scrooge with two balls of snow and make both their holidays’ one to remember.

I loved Matthew with his goals, his melancholy, his brick ranch house and his adopted dog. I loved the holy Holly out of Tyler and the moment Matthew remembers who he is and what he means to him. Can we say heart to the chest moment right there? I think we can! This had all the right feels and the feels were believable in a short number of pages that this redhead swooned.

Cupcake - 2 Hearts

NOW I really feel like a Grinch! *sticks head in a faux snow drift* I chose this one because it looked cute and fluffy and it was. It so was. It was like Santa and Rudolph decided to have a threesome with Frosty and it devolved into an orgy with all the elves who were powerless to resist the lure of candy cane jizz wafting from Santa’s workshop.

I had to chalk too much up to the miracle of Christmas to find this reunion between two dudes who once shared a secret make out/grope session at a party in high school believable. The whole destined by Kris Peengle takes time and effort and needs to drill deep to tap the wellspring of my Christmas spirit and unfortunately the turnaround was sprinkled with too much magic dust. It's not that the writing's bad but there wasn't enough there for this to evolve and suck me into the jizzmas void. I found the whole now they have found their other half all because Matthew’s magnanimous and cupidly niece has decided her most fervent Christmas wish is for her grumperton of an uncle to fine truuuuuueeeee love rather than a Madame Alexander doll required a wee bit more eggnog than I had on hand. Also, how in the sweet name of Prancer did Tyler know where Matthew lived? One word-creeeeee-py.

Only diehard Jizzmas fans would I recommend this to. Like the Santa Jizzians who went before me.

Find out more about Matthew's Present on Goodreads & Dreamspinner Press.

***Review copies were provided by the publisher***

Next week we'll review another five Bah Humbugs. Until then get out there and get your jizz on!

3 comments:

  1. This group review was great. Loved the grumpicorn times.

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  2. Hah, I love reading all the different opinion! I think "The Fortune Cookie" seems like a winner for everyone. Thanks for the reviews

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  3. Thank you for the reviews. You really help us to sort them out!

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