Visiting today to help us celebrate is the industrious and highly accommodating Lisa Henry! We kinda last minuted her and she still came through. Like a champ!
Stupid Hot
by
Lisa Henry
Fuck Jay Porter. Seriously fuck him.
(Calvin wishes.)
He’s just this…ugh. This arrogant fucking
asshole who won the genetic lottery and walks around with a smug grin on his
stupid hot face every single day because of it. Calvin is probably going to have
to drown himself in the resort pool before the end of the shift to put himself
out of his misery.
Because six hours of sitting beside Jay Porter
every day, watching him slathering sunscreen on his glorious fucking abs, is
torture, okay? It’s torture, and torture is against the Geneva Convention or
something. And what’s even worse torture is watching pretty much every single
resort guest between the ages of fifteen and ninety-seven shamelessly flirt
with Jay while he just laps the attention up like a lazy fucking cat. A hot,
glistening, coconut-oil scented cat.
No, wait, ugh. That analogy doesn’t work at
all.
The heat has fried Calvin’s brain. Either that,
or all the blood that should be operating stuff up there has migrated south to
his dick ever since he laid eyes on Jay.
This is going to be the longest summer of
Calvin’s life.
It’s not just Jay’s hot-as-fuck abs, okay?
Calvin isn’t that shallow. Well,
okay, he totally is, because it’s also Jay’s hot-as-fuck tattoos, and those
hot-as-fuck yellow and white striped Speedos. Calvin wants to lick his tattoos.
And what’s underneath those Speedos.
Longest. Summer. Ever.
Calvin glares at the pool and counts down the
minutes until their shift ends. Beside him, Jay is effortlessly chatting with
some girl in a bikini. Some stupid hot girl. Seriously, her and Jay should run
away together and have stupid hot babies.
The girl even bought him a Popsicle. Because he
looked hot.
Calvin is pretty damn sure that if he tried a
line that cheesy, he’d shrivel up and die of shame. But of course this girl
pulled it off.
(Not the only thing she’s looking to pull off
in this scenario.)
Oh. Oh, and now she’s inviting him to a
beachfront party tonight. Of course she is. Standing there with her hip jutting
out, twisting a length of her perfect platinum hair on her finger.
Ugh.
God. Isn’t it time someone started to drown so
Calvin could actually get away from this torture? Calvin’s suddenly so struck
with worrying about the horrible person he’s become for wishing near-death on a
stranger that he almost misses Jay’s response to the girl.
“No, thanks. You’re really nice, but I’m not
looking to hook up. I’m gay.”
Excuse me?
Ex-fucking-scuse me?
The girl retreats with a smile and a shrug,
leaving Calvin staring at Jay.
“What?” Jay licks his Popsicle. “You didn’t
know?”
A drop of sweat slides down the back of
Calvin’s neck.
“Dude,” Jay says, his tongue sliding over his
bottom lip. “I’ve been flirting with you for weeks.”
What?
“Um, no,”
Calvin says, scowling at him. “You’ve been flirting with everyone else in the
world for weeks.”
Jay cocks an eyebrow, and Calvin wants to punch
him in his stupid hot face. “Are you always this oblivious? I mean, we can
pretend nothing happened, or when our shift’s over I can blow you in the locker
room. Your call.”
Calvin gapes at him, and wonders if
hallucinations are a symptom of heat stroke.
Jay grins at him and offers him his Popsicle.
Calvin takes it, and bites the top off, and
feels a burst of courage. “I would very much like to go with the second
option.”
“Cool,” Jay says, and licks his lips again.
Calvin tears his gaze away from Jay with
difficulty and watches the pool again.
This is going to be the Best. Summer. Ever.
I, personally, want to thank Lisa for this fic. Many of you knew Loki who unexpectedly died earlier this year. Loki was a lover of hotness and an all around incredible person. The inspirational pic for this fic was one she left on my wall and Lisa just happened to choose it out of the bundle I sent her. I think Loki would be tickled with the results. Be sure to let Lisa know your thoughts in the comments!
Author Bio:
Lisa likes to tell stories, mostly with hot guys and happily ever afters.
Lisa lives in tropical North Queensland, Australia. She doesn't know why, because she hates the heat, but she suspects she's too lazy to move. She spends half her time slaving away as a government minion, and the other half plotting her escape.
She attended university at sixteen, not because she was a child prodigy or anything, but because of a mix-up between international school systems early in life. She studied History and English, neither of them very thoroughly.
She shares her house with too many cats, a green tree frog that swims in the toilet, and as many possums as can break in every night. This is not how she imagined life as a grown-up.
Lisa lives in tropical North Queensland, Australia. She doesn't know why, because she hates the heat, but she suspects she's too lazy to move. She spends half her time slaving away as a government minion, and the other half plotting her escape.
She attended university at sixteen, not because she was a child prodigy or anything, but because of a mix-up between international school systems early in life. She studied History and English, neither of them very thoroughly.
She shares her house with too many cats, a green tree frog that swims in the toilet, and as many possums as can break in every night. This is not how she imagined life as a grown-up.
To enter to win an ebook of your choice from Lisa's backlist, please leave a comment with some means of contacting you (e.g. email, Twitter handle, link to Goodreads account, etc.)
The giveaway is open until 10 PM PST November 28, 2015. Shortly thereafter, we will contact a winner whom we will select using a highly scientific "names in a hat" method (or, you know, an internet randomizer). Please respond to the winning notification within 48 hrs or we will choose another winner.
